I’m using a throwaway account because I want to share my personal experience without revealing it to my main account. I live with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for three years and who has been sexually active with me for about a few months. We’re both almost 19 years old. I have a condition called mixed connective tissue disease, which might be related to my pain. I also have an iud but checked the placement of it a few weeks ago and it was fine.
My libido is almost completely gone, and this is weird to me, I used to be extremely super sexual and that would be how I showed my love to my partner but now it’s just, I don’t even want to have sex for me, the idea of sex is much better then having sex.
The pain, any comfortable position for the rest of my body hurts my vagina and makes it feel like he’s slamming right into my cervix and hurts way too much (it never used to be this bad). Now it swells and bleeds and his cum won’t come out of me until the morning after, which… is gross, yeast infections you get it.
The only way I can cum is from clitoral stimulation, we use a vibrator for that but honestly, the past few months I haven’t been able to cum when we have sex, like I can’t even feel the pleasure of the vibrator, it’s just overstimulating. The only time I can get off is the rare occasion when I’m aroused and I have something visual, I think the fact that I don’t have something to focus on makes my mind wander and I can’t have pleasure in that mental space. This is really difficult.
He also really likes anal, I wish I liked it for him, but that’s even worse, I bleed even more and even with silicone based lube the friction is unbearable, and everyone I see online says that’s not normal and I don’t use enough but no matter how much I use it gets hot and then the friction starts, it’s just not pleasant.
I’m really at a loss, I want to please him, I want to like it but I feel like the pain and the uncomfortable feeling isn’t normal what should I do?