I (32M) got out of a relationship earlier this year. That is beside the point of this post, and I’m happy that relationship ended. I hope she truly finds her person.
I recently matched with a girl (25F) on Hinge and we immediately exchanged numbers and have been talking back and forth since yesterday. We were going to FaceTime tonight when I got back from a trip, I was really excited and texted her letting her know I got home safe and was ready whenever to FaceTime.
That was at 7, it’s now 11:19. Chances are, she just wasn’t that interested, or she’s seeing someone else, or just simply didn’t feel like responding. For some reason, though, I know this is all a part of the dating game. Flaking, ghosting, not responding, or simply cutting ties, which hey, totally fine by me if they’re not into it.
But I don’t understand why these micro interactions, or flakes, or things that don’t workout, still hurt, even if it’s just the slightest bit of pain. It’s exhausting, all of it. That’s why when I’m not interested, I just let the person know that, usually through a text.
I just wish I didn’t have to experience all of these small rejections all the time, or feel like I’m getting my hopes up, but silently also keep myself a bit distant because every time I get my hopes up, it just seems like it won’t workout again for some reason or another.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, but I just wish that dating was easier sometimes, or that people would communicate how they feel, so I wouldn’t be left guessing. Anyway, it’s just nice to vent into the void, that’s all.
8 comments
Trust me, we all wish dating was easier and people knew how to communicate. There’s so many reasons by people just got but there’s no excuses. It takes literally 30 seconds to be like “hey I’m not feeling like fting tonight, think we could do it tomorrow” or “hey sorry I met someone else and want to see where it goes with that person”. Yeah it sucks to hear but at least you know.
Just know it has nothing to do with you. Focus on yourself, do your own thing and don’t give up hope!
Think of it this way: would you really want to be with someone who cannot communicate something so simple?
I am in the same boat, it really hurts
Even the small rejections sting because they tap into that hope you felt at the start. It is normal to feel disappointed, it just shows you actually care about connecting. Dating can be draining, but the right person will match your energy and effort without leaving you guessing.
They hurt because you invested your time and energy (even if it’s only a bit of it) on a person who can’t be bothered to tell you straight-up that they’re not interested in continuing your interactions.
They hurt because these micro-rejections pile up. They may be small, but numerous of them, when lumped together, can form a giant snowball.
They hurt because, as you said, they get your hopes up. They usually start great, only to suddenly flicker out.
And you’re right. That’s the problem with dating nowadays. Many people don’t communicate how they feel, or they have commitment issues, so they run away when they see the slightest hint of affection.
But thankfully, there are still decent people out there. If all you’re encountering in your current dating pool are flakes, it might help if you change platforms or approaches and interact with a new set of people.
So, our brains weren’t made to process this amount of rejections, both in dating, as well as job applications. This is very stressful to us, as it makes us feel like we are not good enough, despite us definitely being good enough for at least one person.
The problem is we are a very small needle in an endless stack of hay and needles.
They will 100% hurt, these interactions, and those feelings are valid. You just gotta process them when you can.
The name of the game isn’t luck.
It’s resilience.
Yeah got recently similar situation. A guy showed interest in me, trying to impress me, invited me to his family and friends party but afterwards when i tried initiating or meeting he distanced, called off etc. Like whats the point of showing interest, spending time with other person but without any clear declarations, being in gray zone and distancing when that person tries to get closer. Its illogical but its kind of avoidant thing or situationships. In my case exchange of interest lasted like 1.5 month and i was broken afterwards when i recognised the pattern after getting emotionally engaged. Well another lesson learnt at least
Yeah it sucks when someone flakes or doesn’t reply. It still stings even when you know it’s part of the game. Just keep reminding yourself that their actions aren’t a reflection of your worth. People ghost for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with you.