Will be married from 14 years in Sept. have 3 kids (9, and twins at 4). We are both 41. Marriage has really become exhausting and mentally challenging. I’ve kind of given up. It’s all about the kids. We don’t do anything together. No alone time or go out. Nothing. The affection and urges have stopped. I don’t even care anymore to a point. She’s shut me down numerous times and only so much a human can take. I’ve always been the imitator, planner, affectionate type guy, and talked about things. I’ve gone to therapy myself. We’ve never done couples though. Everything is stale. I sometimes enjoy just being by myself doing stuff around the house or cleaning while she’s at her family with the kids. I don’t have family close to me (they live far away out of state). It’s always her family and not to sound mean but that gets little to much for me. I miss my family and sometimes I just want to be alone and not go to her family all the time. Basically a dead bedroom between us. She doesn’t plan or have any urges to do anything. That’s rubbed off on me. At the same time my patients has really run thin. I get easily irritated with things. Sometimes I think what’s the point. We’ve had these issues for years. I feel like she’s changed me. She’s never been one to get urges sexually, or initiate, talk, take action. I’ve tried to spice things up but for nothing. She’s just super stubborn how she is. Then I shutdown mentally and stay quiet. Sad part is I enjoy going to work to the office to be away. This can’t be going like this. Just can’t. Idk how much longer I can last. It’s just a waste of time. I think the process and hassle is what I’m afraid of and the kids. I’ve tried to just take care of myself and work on my diet, fitness losing weight and so forth but mentally I’m just drained and feeling depressed. All this stress and anxiety has been taken a toll. Tired mentally. Gives my IBS flare ups for sure. She’s a great mother for sure. But again it’s always kids kids kids and her family nothing else as I mentioned above.