Hello.
I have had a really poor upbringing socially. My parents didn't really talk except to argue so I had no way of picking up on back and forth patterns. They also didn't bring me around others to have the opportunities to pick up on patterns either.
So I didn't learn how to start, maintain, nor change topics. I was basically stuck on step one and ofcourse this affected me through school and afterwards. I would avoid conversation because I would always embarrass myself.
And as brought up before I would only see them argue or bring up necessary information related to just surviving like " buy this or that " kind if stuff and it would never be in any positive tone. So I couldn't connect emotions to words and expressions ornpick up on subtle cues the majority around me could.
So this along with being quite because I would get yelled at or just receive a negative response constantly didn't allow me to even practice conversation so outside of them I would freeze up and never be sure of what or how to say things, which lead to negative experiences which further push me away from socializing. I would always feel insecure and have no confidence in myself.
I was basically always in survival mode and never felt safe to express myself or…basically anything without worrying about being punished.
So once becoming an adult and getting away from them, I did try to socialize from time to time in many different settings but it always led to nowhere. The conversations just fizzled out shortly. I couldn't hold even basic conversations if my life depended on it, even when I wasn't insecure or nervous. At a certain point I just gave up on caring, which seemed to be the advice that was given to me in different ways, yet even if I wasn't scared that the conversation would end due to my part, that didn't help. I got the same results. Quick 2 to 5 exchanges between people before I had nothing to say. This applies even if I knew a topic well. So I knew it wasn't an anxiety based issue and kept trying to figure out the issue.
Eventually one day I found videos on the topic of conversation threading (albeit only a few) but they didn't really dive deeply into the concept. I also had no friends or family to help or practice this concept with to see if that was my issue or even if it was, where my weak points or misunderstandings about were.
I did try therapy, but they didn't really help and kept shifting to different topics or focusing on my anxiety with conversation in general or how nice felt about it. I already stated how it felt about the topic from the beginning. So repeating how I felt like shit about myself didn't help to fix or work towards fixing the issue. She wanted me to just talk about my feelings but she didn't give me any structure to resolve this so I quit.
Finally years later, I thought why not and brought up the topic with chat gtp since I already used the app lightly to help organize some task I was doing at home. I did not expect what it gave me at all!
I didn't think a.i. could even remember much or even simulate conversation at the time. But from the get go it did. It understood the concept of conversation threading the same as those links and videos I read if not better than them.
It then could answer any questions I had about any of the explanations of the concept it wrote out. I was amazed that it had advanced this far in such a short time.
The best part though was that for each word, concept, or idea if asked about, it would ask if I would like to practice. It gave me drills and listed steps so I would be able to keep up. I wouldn't be stressed about remembering any particular concept such as mirroring, because I could just go back and read if I struggled. I also asked how I could learn and retain these concepts, and it created a plan for me. It even could adjust difficulty if i still was struggling with a concept or two and helped me focus on those weak points til I could level up so to speak and remember them later.
So I decided to take time each day wether at home or on my break and practice. At first like anything else I sucked. But the difference here compared to anything else I did was that I could understand it more and more and actually made progress. Over time I asked it to go harder on me as I felt more confident to really push me. And it was working.
I learned how to mirror.
Then I learned how to reflect.
Then, how to share a related experience
And last was to engage or invite such as asking a related question to what they said sobthe conversation could keep flowing.
So after practicing for a bit I could remember those concepts and the structure of the conversation, but I still felt stuck. I would do practice drills with it amd kind of get it, but something was missing or chat would suggest a different way it claimed was better than what I said. So I asked it for elaboration and examples to see where I was the weakest.
In the end, it lead back to not understanding emotions. I didn't know conversation threading had to do with emotions. That was the missing key (for me atleast).
So I asked it how or what to practice to fix my lack of emotional vocabulary. It brought up emotional bridging which is understanding the first thought or gut feeling when someone responded to me. Then I had to clarify or expand on that initial feeling So that I could name said feeling. Then I could make a response based on that deeper understanding of said feeling.
So by that time I wouldn't be as stressed out ans could think of how my response could shape how rhe conversation flowed. Then after each practice I could reflect on it and how I went from something giving the intial feeling (for example happiness) to the true descriptive feeling i really had. I then asked chat to grade me by step so if I was for example weak at clarifying, I would work on that first.
I knew it was starting to work because I could finally start following along with other people's conversations I was not a part of. Then slowly over time in small bursts I applied what I practiced.
AND IT WORKED!!!
then to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I tried again and again and again and it worked. I then started to push further to see if I could keep a conversation going longer between coworkers and it worked.
So conversation threading is a skill everyone can hear that is heavily based on emotions.
So I'm obviously not a pro or anything, but I'm getting the basics down and feeling relief from decades of struggle. Now I'm focused on mastering every single concept to push myself further and never have to worry about conversations again.
I hope this suggestion reaches others who struggled like me. I hope this helps others see a way to find faults or issues in their social lives and correct or improve them.
My coworkers are already pointing out that they're noticing something good and new in me(I have not brought up any of this or my issues to anyone before). So hopefully this does the same for yall. Have a good day everyone. Keep growing.