Here I am texting on Reddit because I don’t know what else to do or how to approach things with my wife. I would MUCH rather to never had to write this, but I do not know what else to do…
Forgive me if I sound like I’m rambling in this post. Just my stream of thoughts.
(38M) and (34F)
I’ve been married for 6 years. I live in the Middle East, I grew up in the United States and I’m more or less pretty secular guy. I have had a few girlfriends where I’ve had sex.
my wife, is from the gulf, was a virgin, is very kind hearted woman, we get along in most respects except in one important aspect of marriage.
I have been initiating every bit of affection and intimacy between us. She doesn’t brush me off or dislike it, I have to continuously robotically request affection, to receive a quick peck. It’s not like I’m expecting some French kiss, but it’s like getting affection of a 12 year old. The excuse is she’s nervous and embarrassed to express sexually, I repeatedly tell her that it is just between us and there’s nothing to be embarrassed / self conscious about, it’s no one else’s business.
When it comes to sex, it seems like it’s painful for her. Just in general, no matter how much lube or how slow I go. It just seems painful for her.
Foreplay is unnatural for her, and she never shows affection or intimacy. And again, it just feels like it takes two to tango and I’m doing everything.
We’ve been trying to conceive for the past year, and it’s been an utter failure, mostly sexless. Mostly because whenever we get to planning to have sex, she finds reasons not to. What I mean is, when the fertility window comes, THATS when my wife had a ton of errands to do, or that she’s got to get mothers/sisters house, whatever it may be. When she’s past her window then she promises to try next month, but the cycle repeats, once we are in the window, suddenly she’s sleeping early, or long time, she makes herself scarce.
When I do press it, it turns into a fight (argument) and the mood is ruined.
I am honestly at my wits end. I have been incredibly patient and I’m willing to put in the effort, I’ve talked with her frankly but it only seems to make things worse.
She now wants to do IVF treatment, insisting it’s not that expensive and we can conceive that way. And im not against this option, but we’ve not even seriously tried to do things naturally.
I do not know how to approach things. But I am very tired of this aspect of our marriage.