Hi, I’m a 25F and my dad is 49M. For context, my dad came to my house today unexpectedly. We have been no contact for about a year now, and he lives across the country. Apparently, he came to visit because he and his girlfriend got into a fight.
I cut him off because he had a pattern of emotional abuse. I also cut off the rest of my family because my aunt gossips and lies, my grandfather enabled that behavior, and my mom was neglectful and alcoholic. I felt cutting everyone off was necessary for my mental health and self-protection.
Today, he showed up, commented on my weight in a way that felt weird, and we got in the car. I tried to tell him how his past behavior affected me, but he interrupted me repeatedly and mainly talked about himself. At one point, he said something along the lines of “technically you abused me too because when you cut me off, it hurt me,” which felt dismissive of my experience. He also said that since I cut off the entire family, I must be the common denominator and the problem.
I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve had issues myself, but I genuinely feel like my family has far more toxic patterns than I do. I’m left feeling confused and wondering if maybe I’m wrong.
I just want honest feedback—am I in the wrong for cutting off my family for my own well-being?
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TL;DR: 25F cut off toxic family (dad 49M, mom alcoholic/neglectful, aunt gossiper, grandfather enabling). Dad came by unexpectedly and blamed me for “abusing” him by cutting him off. Am I actually the problem for protecting myself, or are my actions reasonable?