I've posted on here a couple times recently about my depression, which I've been dealing with for decades. I'm currently in an episode of major depression, which has been one of the worst I've experienced.
A couple of my friends are somewhat aware of my current state and have been nice and have invited me over the past couple of days, but I just haven't felt up for it. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety spending time with others and it seems like an overwhelming chore.
I went to dinner with some friends Friday night and, it was kind of a good time, but it also somehow made me feel worse. It was like even more evidence of how shitty I feel – I can't even enjoy a dinner with friends, etc.
Would really appreciate advice or suggestions or just a kind word. Thank you.
EDIT: I'm going to go. Thank you for your suggestions and support.
29 comments
Do what you want to do. Just remember you might not get an invitation the next time if you decline today.
Even if you don’t spend time with friends let me encourage you to leave the house.
Go to the market or mall. Work in the garden. Go to the gym. Ride the subway. Visit the library or a museum.
Do anything to get out of your own head but without the pressure of participating with others.
Good luck.
Yes. You’ve gotta get out. Doesn’t have to be every time, but once a week, once every other week, its good to show your face. Especially if these are people you genuinely like. However don’t feel the need to hangout with acquaintances that you don’t feel particularly attached to.
If they are really good friends of yours and they understand you, I’d say yes. You haven’t any idea how much a good friend can pump you up when you’re down let alone a couple.
I hear you….
Depression can be very challenging to live with.
Try getting some fresh air and (this will sound silly) spend some time in the sun.
The fresh air and sun might help.
Are you talking to anyone or taking a prescription to help with the depression?
You can always leave once you’re there? I’m sorry to hear about your struggles but maybe it’s like working out, the first time you feel worse because you’re using new muscles after a while, but after a few more times it feels better?
So get ready and head out like you are going, and see how far you get. Good luck.
Yes, especially at our age.
Some friends I used to see every week in my 20’s, now I see maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Multiple that by average age of death, ill probably see them 100 more times. If I can make it 101, then I will.
Depression is really good about robbing us of energy and motivation. This leads to us isolating because we don’t have the energy or motivation to leave. This cycle keeps repeating itself robbing us of more and more. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to go, but we need to get out. As others have stated, it may not be with friends but get out of the house.
Yes, pretend to have fun after a while you might. If you stop going out with friends they’ll eventually stop inviting you
Studies are showing a huge part of addiction and depression comes from lack of community and social bonds. You don’t have to participate but being around people that actively care about you and want to include you will help your brain start to self regulate your hormones and brain chemistry again.
Obviously if you’re just sad and need space. Take time to love and care for yourself. But if you see and feel those depressive symptoms. You need to be around people. Try and force yourself to help someone with something at least once. Selfless acts and forms of generous kindness will help you feel fulfilled which is a huge part of building mental strength and stability.
Yes. Depressed brains can convince people of things that simply aren’t true. Other people in a healthy environment will almost always be beneficial.
Yep, decline enough times and one day that invite is gonna get lost in the mail
Honestly? Yes. When you’re depressed you should focus on stuff you should be doing and is healthy for you even if it’s not something you want to do. Why would you want to do anything while depressed?
Yes,as a fellow depressed guy, I never regretted going out, it always ended up cheering me up or at least distracting me from my own head.
Many kinds of depression are different and I can only speak from my own personal experience: Unless they are the kind of friends and a kind of hangout where you don’t have to hide your depression… I’d say no. In my experience, some bouts of depression can sometimes come from just being mentally tired of masking, and putting yourself in a social situation where you will have to continue to put up a front, could just make things worse. But only you know your friends, and your depression.
For me, one way I sort of self medicate my depressive episodes, is just isolating and indulging in nostalgic experiences. I binge watch old TV and movies and eat snacks from my childhood, from when I was just happy and optimistic with the whole future ahead. I feel like it must trigger the release of similar chemicals to how I felt as a kid, because it usually helps me quite a bit.
Go, and maybe let them know you’re low on spoons and just want to hang and observe. Dont bring the party down, just be present for a little while and celebrate that your friends love you enough to include you.
Probably? If its only depression yes, even if its not for long. If there kinda flakes and inconsistent freinds or asking for favors id drop them. I’ve battled depression for years and even though im kind of “isolating” I do find it much more peaceful and stress free. When I stopped getting ahold of them and making plans to work around me being on 3rd shift for hangout times, they just stopped asking me besides when they were drunk to hangout. Don’t miss it, dont need it.
I’ve dealt with depression my entire adult life. I would say yes, at least most of the time. I am usually happy that I spent time with my friends even when I was thinking of staying home. As previously mentioned, even getting out on your own is incredibly important. That is something I am not good at.
>Should I force myself to hangout with friends even when I don’t want to because I’m depressed?
Absolutely. This is because, if you’re depressed, getting off your couch and socialising counts as a “win”. You can pat yourself on the back for just getting up and getting out. Well done! Whether you had a “good” time or not is immaterial.
Plus it gives you the chance to engage in some positive anti-depressive practices. To wit:
1. you can ask how people are, find out if they’re OK, make connections
1. this gets you out of *your* head. If you’re more concerned about *other* peoples’ good time than your own, you’ll have a better time
2. gratitude. I can’t stress this enough. You get to be grateful for friends who will invite you out. You get to be grateful to live in a peaceful city where you can dine without the threat of violence. You get to enjoy delicious nourishing food. You get to be among people who are out for a good time, not a bad time. Tick, tick, tick: all good things to be grateful for. Lucky you!
Yup
I’ve been in your position as well, and it is difficult. I recognise that feeling that it was ok in the moment, and then feeling horrible afterwards. But the more you avoid your friends the more difficult it will get. And if you lose your friends by never showing up you are in a much worse situation.
You mentioned your friends know about your depression, and they still invite you. That shows that they like you and care for you the way you are. You don’t need to be better for them. And what I think will help is to talk to your friends how you feel. Also about how shitty you feel afterwards. Getting these things out can be a big relief. You might feel afraid that it will push them away, but it is much more likely that you will become closer friends by opening up.
And don’t expect the impossible of yourself. Your anxiety will not magically go away, so don’t beat yourself up next time you get anxious when hanging out.
*”Should I force myself to hangout with friends even when I don’t want to because I’m depressed?”*
Yes.
Good! Yes go out. Smile and laugh even if you don’t feel like it. Your body will release endorphins even if you are faking it.
I know where you’re coming from. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it makes it worse. It can be difficult figuring out which it’s going to be. And you don’t want to bring others down. I wish you luck
I kinda a depressive guy. I think there is something to be learned from it. What I recently learned is mind, body spirit. You probably are stimulating your mind with the internet, are you stimulating your body and spirit. Are you just doing things that can make you happy? Spirit has always been elusive to me of “why bother” I find thinking about it as “just do it cause you like it” has been a better put look for me.
Yes.
I regularly go against my own advice, but literally every time I’m in the dumps, whenever I get a call, visit, or hang out, my mood is lifted.
The caveat is that it has to be from someone I genuinely care for. It can’t be a thing with randoms and acquaintances involved.
If they are good friends, yes. Especially if they are aware that you are not feeling well. The problem with depression is that it makes you stop doing the things that will, little by little and with time, help you feel better.
So yeah, try to spend time with friends and do some good habits like exercising or walking.
Hang in there, you got this 🙂
Yes, definitely, you should force yourself to do things. Sometimes it’s needed to get you out of that rut.
It honestly depends. I’m not in a good state right now, and I find that sometimes I want the people and the distraction to snap me out of it, but equally I might need the “me time” to wallow.
Listen to yourself is the best advice I can give.