While dating and meeting new people I am wondering if I should be my true self as a pessimistic asshole or should I fake an enthusiastic personality in order to attract people
I have always been told to be myself while dating but I know that pessimism can chase people away meanwhile enthusiasm can draw people however I want to be true to myself and not put on a fake personality.
Overall should I be my true pessimistic self pessimistic self or fake enthusiasm in order to attract people?
28 comments
Don’t date, get therapy first.
I ask myself the same thing. I think you should try to be optimistic unless it’s completely unrealistic. Use real enthusiasm after you go through the effort to try and find some. Think before you criticize and force yourself to say something you honestly believe is true… but a good thing. If that doesn’t work, be pessimistic. But definitely don’t be optimistic if you’re lying to do it.
Find someone who hates the same things as you and you can both be haters together
be true to yourself but maybe try to tone it down a smidge at first
Nobody wants to be with a pessimistic asshole, even if you can fake some other personality.
What might be a good idea is to quit being a pessimistic asshole and become a more optimistic positive likable person. Then you wouldn’t have to fake anything in order to attract people.
YES I have been on way too many dates where people were so optimistic if I wasn’t my true self I would have been miserable. The last good date I had this dude gave me the best compliment and said “wow, you seem genuinely nihilistic”. I was so flattered
Always be yourself when dating. Don’t misrepresent yourself. Even if you did “attract people” it would be under false pretenses and on a shaky foundation that would give out at some point.
Faking it won’t work, not in the long run. You can’t keep up the fake persona forever, eventually the real you will come through, for better or for worse.
Go to therapy dude lol. What you’re asking is if you should be deceitful to attract people and the answer is always no. Unless you want to be labeled as a red flag. Go to therapy, be honest with your therapist and figure it out with your therapist.
You should always be yourself, but do remember that you may not be so pessimistic if you would be in a great relationship, so you don’t necessarily need to strongly identify with that right now.
never go into a relationship by faking, the mask will fall eventually and all the problems u think u avoided will only hurt worse later. regardless if you end up dating or not you should do some self work. therapy is always great however other options are learning to sit with your thoughts. journaling. finding activities that u do love. talking to ur friends and having honest convos about how u feel about ur relationship. making new friends that have traits u wish to have, u and ur friends are reflections of each other. good luck with everything 💜 feel free to update us
If you aren’t in the mood to change who you are for things you still want then don’t even try dating yet. Dating could always lead into big things and compromising, which you don’t seem ready for.
Just be yourself. Those who will accept you will stick around. Best to weed them out now. No one likes a faker
I would be pissed if I wasted my time with someone who acted one way when we first met and then another way when we committed to each other. Be yourself but get therapy, and maybe you’ll find someone who vibes with you.
Fellow pessimist here. Never underestimate the power of “faking” – see here’s the thing: I don’t fake it.
I am open and honest that my enthusiastic positive front is very hard work for me; doesn’t make it any less worthwhile doing. Because you’re right about pessimism driving people away. So I work hard to be as positive and constructive as I can be.
So do fight hard to be positive. But when you’re letting people in, be honest about how you fight to be constructive, positive. If it tires you, let them know.
Be the pessimist asshole. Best to be true to who you are
At some point you will not be able to fake it anymore and people will turn their backs. Better to be yourself and find people who resonate with you.
I mean, it works for the majority of men in Scotland. 🤷♀️
I’m a bubbly pessimistic asshole and have been able to find partners to sneer at the world with.
Always be yourself. Don’t go out of your way to be a jerk, obviously.
No point faking it.
Deceitful and a waste of time for you and them.
Yes. Someone out there will like you as a pessimistic asshole, no joke.
As someone who considers themselves to also be a pessimistic asshole (sometimes) and enjoys the company of likeminded people most of the time, I say be yourself… But try to soften it a little bit and learn to incorporate humor into your personality if you can.
I love dating men who are pessimistic assholes when there is reason to be (and there often is)… But I don’t like it when they are pessimistic TOWARDS ME or act like an asshole TO ME. Does that make sense?
I want a like-minded asshole who softens his demeanor and is kind to/for me… but views the rest of the world with more skepticism. Kind of an us against the world vibe.
For example, going on a date to a street fair with a pessimistic asshole that I DON’T want to see again… “I hate these street fairs, they’re stupid, hot, crowded and overpriced“.
Versus going on a date to a street fair with a pessimistic asshole that I DO want to see again… “I hate these street fairs, they’re stupid, hot, crowded and overpriced… But I’m having fun hanging out with you, let’s go get a drink somewhere with air conditioning.”
One version makes me think that he’s having a miserable time and all he does is complain. It leaves me thinking that he is not enjoying spending time with me so it makes me not want to spend any more time with him. The other makes me think that he’s having a miserable time because this is a miserable environment, but his misery has nothing to do with me and he wants to make the experience better for both of us. I would be relieved and grateful because I also hate hot crowded street fares, but probably would have been pretending to have a good time just so I didn’t come off as an asshole myself.
My advice is to just be yourself but a little bit softer in the beginning if you’re looking for something real with someone who will actually love and care about you. If you’re just looking for a quick casual hook up, then you’re probably going to need to pretend to not be an asshole.
Always be yourself
But at the same time, I suggest therapy and motivation for a different mindset
Because I dont want to be around a drag.
Be yourself but not in an offensive and dismissive way. Like, don’t run around naked and be like aghhhh why did everyone leave rawrrrrrrrr
Edit: honestly like if you don’t even like yourself or think it’s gonna bring bad results then why do it and not fix that first?
This sounds like it will come back to be manipulative for the other person involved. Have you tried therapy before?
Society tries to be politically correct all the time. Truth is, society wants to be coddled. So pessimistic a holes like us, aren’t ever tolerated lol. And if we do show that on dates with women, we’ll never have a chance.
Only times it’s tolerated is if the woman already finds the man attractive and she’s willing to deal with his pessimism and a holeism
Tons of pessimistic assholes out there as well, keep being yourself…you’ll find your match.
I mean are you attracted to pessimistic assholes? If the answer is no, then you need to do some work on yourself.
Don’t hide who you are unless you’re looking to get dumped shortly afterwards