I’ve never posted on here and honestly can’t believe that I’m posting what I’m about to bc I would generally never even talk about this let alone ask a community of strangers for advice!!! But here it goes:
Just a bit of history, Me (34 male) and my wife (32 female) have two kids, one is 3yo and the other is 4mo. With a new baby in the house and my wife is back to work, so obviously our routine has changed drastically! Not to mention, my wife (who works from home) changed her hrs to work 3p – 11p so that out baby doesn’t have to go to daycare, so you can imagine our days are loooooong… but I’m here for advice bc the passion and intimacy in our relationship has completely vanished and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!? As a baseline, before the baby we weren’t doing it like rabbits by any means, but it was pretty regular.
I absolutely get it, our lives have changed and we (unfortunately) can’t just lay in bed together all day like we once did. And she just had a baby 4 months ago so I also understand completely that her body is probably still going through a lot! I do not constantly bring up sex or intimacy. As a matter of fact I literally never bring it up or put any sort of expectation or pressure around it. I’m of the opinion that it’s SOOOO much better when I can tell she wants to mess around, not just bc she feels like she has to, so I leave it alone and just wait for it to happen. I do as much as I possibly can to take any load off of her as I can.. such as bathing both kids, cleaning up around the house, taking care of the kids, especially if we’re out so that she can enjoy herself, putting both kids to bed while she’s working, etc. i love sending her random texts to remind her how great and beautiful she is and that I love her, and also try to send flowers to her at home while I’m at work, just random things to hopefully make her happy… and no, I don’t do all of these things to get laid, I do them bc I mean it and enjoy it, I guess I was just giving some context that I’m not a half ass husband lol…
But then at the end of the day there is just nothing… no hugging, no kissing, or cuddling, or touching of any kind… I could literally have sex 3 times a day everyday… but I absolutely don’t expect her to feel the same way… and this isn’t even completely about just sex… I’m just talking intimacy in general… and now it’s leading me to be a bit stressed out and having anxiety about things I’ve literally never ever thought about… I’ve always trusted my wife completely and have never even given a single thought that she could be cheating or talking to someone behind my back… but recently, the way things have been going (everything I describe above) it’s like my brain won’t stfu about the possibility that she’s doing something of that nature… and again, more context… she isn’t sneaky, or hiding her phone, or being gone for unexplained amounts of time, or any of that…. It literally all just comes back to the complete lack of intimacy and what appears to be a complete lack of interest in any of it
Anyways, so to all my moms out there who may have experienced something like this (or not… that’s what I’m trying to figure out)…I’m beginning to rant and I think you get the gist by now… so my question is… am I completely nuts for these growing insecurities, and is it just completely normal at this stage? And if so, do I just keep doing what I’m doing and hope it comes back at some point… Or is this not common and maybe I need to consider talking about it to find out what’s going on? HELP PLEASE!!