I have the date for when I leave. Its surreal. I have a previous post for the back story but I guess im preparing. I already deleted Facebook so I dont have to deal with the attack from his family. Im nervous because we have shared friends groups…im scared of them asking me why I left and I need to go back. I dont want to tell them everything that happened..I dont want to tell them how he gave me sti with each pregnancy and told me it was from a toilet and that I have the same sti again (finished treatment) . Its just embarrassing and i know ima be the bad guy. Im the selfish wife that destroyed her family. Im scared hes going to manipulate me again and pretend hes the man i first fell in love with…am i going to have the same strength to recognize that lie. This will be the first time in my entire life that I havent been abused. Some close friends are being supportive…only a few know whats really going on. I know he will try to get me fired eventually but my boss knows whats up and is basically ready to call the cops as soon as my husband comes on the property. He destroyed my bridge with family crying playing victim when I left the first time. Im just scared. One of my friends will basically be video calling me the day I leave so im not alone but im just scared and idk why. Does the fear end, does it get better?
Hes already started talking down on our kids and I just hope if my voice is the only uplifting voice in their life then itll be okay. I just hope me staying hasnt fucked them up and its not too late. I know he will take it out on them but I hope half the week with me will be enough to provide a safe escape from him.
I know my kids and i deserve better. We deserve love, safety, and peace.