I’m 29F, and a lot of my girlfriends have told me not to get married too early like they did. I’m not really sure why, because from the outside, they seem to have happy families, good husbands, kids, and financial stability. Meanwhile, I’m struggling to even find a boyfriend, and sometimes I can’t help but feel jealous.
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They say that when girls get married they lose a lot of freedom. And. They said boys are happier after marriage but women are less happier after marriage.
I’ve been single all my life. Honestly, I think i will be more stressed out if I have a boyfriend, let alone a husband.
That’s exactly it, they were seemingly happy on the OUTSIDE. It’s so easy to be deceived into believing couples have it all, but little do you know that they can easily be the unhappiest people. Especially with women, the statistics prove that we’re best off single.
For starters, you sort of lose your identity once you have a child. The couple take on the mother/father role, and much of your time and focus is centered on raising them, seeing to their well being. No time for one on one dates, intimacy, having some alone time, or with friends as much, etc.
As for marriage, you definitely want to make sure y’all are compatible long term. Understand, be considerate and respect each others boundaries and habits. There are bound to be some friction when you live together when sharing a space. God forbid you end up with someone where all they do is just take take take
Being married means less autonomy and you have to answer to your other half in terms of most decision making. There’s good and bad that comes with that, but mostly it just means you have to communicate and align, and typically there will be times when it feels like that extra layer of cooperation/coordination slows things down. As a married guy, when I travel alone verses when I travel with my family …. lol, huge differences. Right on down to when you eat, what you eat, etc.
Being married also means being enveloped into each others families and family lives, and that can be a big adjustment – particularly if the other family is toxic/dysfunctional but also even if the other family is amazing but just has an active commitment schedule of being together.
All of these things chip away from the discretional amount of time you had as a single person, as well as autonomy.
That said, when I do travel without my family, I miss them, and I feel less whole than before. And I wouldn’t change any of the decisions that have led me to this point in my life.
But there is a recognition that you have others to consider and answer to/for all the time, and it makes things slower and more cumbersome. But thats what meaningfully being a part of a collective sometimes entails. And fwiw other families might have different dynamics.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and lived together for over a year, and now talking about marriage. I don’t think marriage changes anything. It’s more living with someone that is the big wake up call to whether or not you are going to be happy in a relationship. They get to see all of your emotions all the time and it is frightening but also wonderful at the same time. You really get to know and appreciate the person you are in love with at a more intimate level.
It’s definitely true that you have less freedom because now you have another person to be considerate of. Someone who also wants to use the tv or they want to eat dinner at a different time etc. etc..
People are messy and wonderful.
Plus the grass is always greener on the other side. Make sure you have thought out what you truly want before rushing into a decision. Relationships, marriage, children, etc.
I hear this from men as well, most married men I meet tell me not to get married.
I was given the advice to to live your life first before you get married. There wasn’t really a age timeline put on this. Find out who you are and what you like to do and don’t like so you then can find a compatible partner once you know who you are. If that makes any sense.? so many people lose themselves in a relationship and then after having kids. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unhappy, but they’re not fulfilled. There is a difference I think. And you’re not really fully mature until late 20s brain wise. Of course I followed all those advice and I still ended up divorce 10 years into my marriage. So there’s no guarantee of anything.
Stay single. It’s the best thing for mental and physical health.
Some people rush into marriage with another person who finds them at a bad time, then that formerly positive person doesn’t grow, becomes a liability, constrains them – and ultimately offers nothing but resentment anymore.
It’s because they have problems that they tell you not to. Just like people in happy marriages will encourage others to get married. It’s all about how their life is going and projecting that on others.
It’s ultimately up to you to make that decision regardless of either side. You could be the friend telling others to never get married or telling them to get married. But you won’t know if you just listen to your friends who are in miserable marriages.
Just like every person recently heartbroken goes online to tell people how horrible men or women are and try to push others to stay single. While people in happy relationships or happily single, say nothing.
If u choose a guy who treats you well, I think marriage is not that scary. But I won’t no better, I am not yet married.
Grass is greener to you grass is greener to them..
If you marry the wrong person yes ..marriage can be terrible.
If you have kids too young, you might feel like you gave up your freedom too quickly. But if you want a family then it might feel like you’ll never get your turn.
There no perfect life
Your married friends are having a “life is greener on the other side” moment – telling you that the silent struggles are real and yet still living a married life. I find it all to be true as a spectator to married friends and family.
Yea they struggle. Marriage is hard as I’ve see my sisters go thru it. But the happy moments are they’re all the time. And it’s glorious for them. It’s work. But they’ve signed up for that.
The reality for me when I see this is always is how am I just focused on doing my best to be the best version of me. Can’t be worried about the future or worried about another persons experience.