I(31M) and my wife(30F) has been married for 5yrs and we have a daughter who is almost 5.
I love them very much and I try my best to provide and support them anyway I can. We both work full time, I drop the kiddo off and she pick her up. She cook and I clean. We eat out whenever she doesn't feel like cooking. We take our daughter to playgrounds and museums and explore new restaurants on the weekends.
However, our sex life has not been the same after my daughter was born. We used to do it almost everyday, and now, it's almost non-existent. I expected it to drop off after the honeymoon phase, especially post natal, but it's getting unbearable. We barely get intimate once a month, and each time she was reluctant and I felt no passion. I suggested we go see a sex therapist a few times but she always refuses. I've told her how neglected it made me feel but she just rebuttal that she's too tired from work and taking care of the kid and said she still "let me do it".
She's a great mother and partner in all other aspects, so I really don't want to mess up our marriage, but my sexual and intimacy needs is suffering. I feel like if I can get it out with a healthy stranger once every 6 months or so, I'd be able to satisfy it.
Any thoughts or advice here? Thank you
Edit to address comments:
– I've also asked about couple therapy but she also refused as she doesn't feel comfortable talking about intimate stuffs with strangers, even if they're licensed. We've talked about her satisfaction with the relationship and she told me she felt loved and cared for, she just doesn't have the energy or interest in sex anymore.
– she doesn't enjoy it now, so the few times that we do get intimate, it doesn't feel good 🙁
– I can see that everyone considers this to be cheating, but I still feel like it might help since it would be purely physical. I would still continue to care and support our family and be sexless best friends that we are. I'll still attempt to get intimate with her, but will be less irritated with the rejections and can still try to find way to spark our connections if she obliges.
– I don't want to get a divorce because I want us both to give my kid the best childhood that we both never got