Dating has been really tough for me. I haven’t been on a date since April and I feel like the dating scene for me has gradually been getting worse and worse. I continuously get put into the “hook up” category where they may express interest at first and things are done and then things take a hard left where the other person tries to get me to hook up with them. Their profiles say they want something long term and it seemed that way at first. I think they decided they didn’t want to actually date me and wanted to get something out of it. I find it incredibly disrespectful and demeaning. It’s like I’m not good enough to date but they are willing to hook up with me??? If I’m lucky, they’ll simply ghost me.

I can’t help but to compare my experiences to my white friend who has guys wanting to “cuff her up” while I can’t even get a first date! It’s just so discouraging.
Please understand that I am not looking for advice, I just want to vent and let you guys know it’s hard out here. I know other WOC who have similar experiences. No, I’m not fat. I’m not ugly either. I don’t think my standards are “too high”. I look for someone with similar attributes as me since isn’t that what you do when you date?


4 comments

  1. Get off dating apps and try to passively find someone in your social circle. I’m a Light skin male and the apps were just like a humiliation ritual and a waste of time as I’m very much so looking for someone I can have in depth conversations with. Deleting them and being an active participant in my social circles and getting over my fear of approaching have yielded much more meaningful connections.

  2. I think this is the case for most of us. I am 45 male and I have clearly mentioned in my profile that I am looking for something long term and yet all I get is likes from women or gals looking for some kind of monetary support or they are too judgemental. There is a complete lack of trust at both ends due to the number of online scams and previous experiences, which leads to little or no success on apps. The best is to go meet people in your social circle.

  3. Yea i need to go to bed lol. I saw “WOC”, immediately thought “Wizard of the Coast” and assumed you were an employee.

    Hopefully things get better for you in the dating market! I’ll be praying for you 🙏🙏

  4. Dating is tough in general. Racism and prejudice are real, and of course we have to navigate that. But framing the difficulty finding a good match as down to not being white is… off.

    If we’re just using anecdotes, I’m WOC and have not had this issue meeting people (IRL), my WOC friends are also in relationships/ pursued for relationships. And I know white people that struggle with being stuck in the ‘hook-up box’. There’s so many factors.

    I get that you’re venting. I’m just commenting because I don’t want WOC to read this and get overly discouraged, (or validate their inferiority complex) without hearing a different perspective.

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