I'm a 33F in the process of divorcing a 36M. We were married for 13 years. We are getting divorced for a number of reasons. One of his reasons is he didn't feel we were "connected" enough. One of his examples was that he would be watching a movie in the living room and I'd either be on my phone, on the computer working on something, or working on stuff in the kitchen. On the television/movie front, he is very peculiar. If he is watching a movie and you are in the living room with him, you have to be watching the movie too. No phones. No computers. No books. No talking. Just movie. If you said anything to him (wasn't even always during intense scenes), you'd get shushed. If my dogs were playing and making noise, they'd get screamed at. If I was on my phone or doing something else at all during the movie, I was always told to put it up or stop what I was doing and watch the movie (he'd say it in a sort of passive aggressively gentle way). His father, who passed away a few years ago, was the same way and was very big on watching movies. Mind you, there were movies I'd watch with him, no cell phone, no other activity, just movie. That was usually if it was a movie I really enjoy or one I haven't seen but wanted to see. Otherwise, if it was a movie he wanted to watch, just put it on, absolutely no input from me, I'd be with him in the living room, but doing something else.
My family is different. We would all sit in the living room doing different things: Dad would be watching TV, Mom and I might be reading, my brother would be on the computer, and my sister might be playing her Nintendo DS (I grew up 90s/early 2000s). We'd all be spending time together, but doing our own thing. I've explained that to him, but his reasoning was always "But I'm trying to make a personal connection with you." I would always explain that I am still following along or paying attention, it's just that sometimes, I do different stuff while I'm watching the movie (I'm a teacher and that's proven to be a 24/7 job a lot of the time and I also find it difficult to focus on one thing for too long, especially if I'm not interested). I don't see why we have to be doing the same exact thing every time to make personal connections or why I can't be on my technology devices when I am still following along.
The kicker: He'll be on his phone during the movie, even if it's one he hasn't seen before. It's only a problem when it's me. It honestly ruined my enjoyment of watching movies, a joy I only recently regained as we started divorce proceedings (because I'm able to enjoy them my way. For example, I watched "You've Got Mail" for the first time last week while I worked on my classroom and thoroughly enjoyed it!). I want to know other peoples' thoughts on the issue: Do you think personal connection comes from doing the same exact thing the same exact way everytime or can you make personal connections sitting in the same room, doing your own thing, but just enjoying each others' physical presence and proximity? (NOTE: I absolutely understand that there are times when it's important to drop what you're doing, snuggle on the couch, and take a moment to be present. Doing it every single time he wanted to watch something just seems a bit much to me.)