When my wife and I got married during COVID, our local Social Security office was closed, so she wasn’t able to change her last name right away. It wasn’t a big deal for a while, and we both put off doing anything about it. In 2023, when it came time to renew her driver’s license, she ran into the issue that her license didn’t match our marriage certificate, and we were told she needed to update her name with Social Security first before the DMV would issue a new one.
EDIT TO CLARIFY: The DMV specifically told her she couldn’t renew her license with either name because our marriage license said her new last name was supposed to be mine. It was like Schrödinger’s last name: she both had one and didn’t. Renewing the expired license with her maiden name wasn’t an option based on the information she received.
Here’s the thing: she never actually followed through. She told me that since I’m the one who works (she’s a SAHM) and can legally drive, it’s up to me to figure out what she needs and when we can go to the SSA office. I’ve already looked into it and figured out the process, but she hasn’t filled out the paperwork or taken the steps herself.
I’m feeling torn. On one hand, I get that paperwork like this is a hassle and easy to put off. On the other hand, it bothers me that she’s leaving it all in my lap, especially because this isn’t about her having my last name—it’s about her having a valid ID and driver’s license. I worry about situations where she’d need to drive the kids somewhere or take them to an appointment or even an emergency. We should share those responsibilities (my job is flexible with enough sick time that I can take time off when needed), but right now she doesn’t have the option.
So my question is: is her approach reasonable (since I’m the one affected more by this, in her words), or is it fair that I’m frustrated she hasn’t handled it? I don’t want to nag, but it feels like an important thing she’s just letting sit.