Hi all, thought I would ask here, a few year ago I was actively dating.
I had one date someone I met through a mutual friend, date went well .Me M54 & her F48,Good chemistry, good laughs and I thought we had possibilities. We kinda clicked.
During the date we discussed how we expected or what we had experienced in previous dates, first dates ect. Light hearted and not in depth. She said she didn't expect her date to pay everything.
To me it wasn't an issue.( this became relevant later)
To be clear I had asked her out, picked the place and we both traveled to meet.
We had drinks and shared an appetizer, total bill about $60.
So check comes and I suggest we splitot, server said that was not an option ( I had run a tab), so I asked my date to get the tip.
She agreed but seemed surprised.
Texting next day the chemistry was gone, replies were short and no 2nd date occurred.
Fast forward to recent events and I was in the company of our mutual friend.
He asked whatever happened between us.
Turns out this date became something of a conversation among our social circles. Her pov was that I was been cheap.
I cannot unring that bell I know , but it's bugging me since.
Is there a protocol I should have followed in relation to the check.
I would a welcome input or opinion from all you folks out here in the dating world.
Is the man expected to pay
23 comments
“To be clear I had asked her out, picked the place and we both traveled to meet”
You should have paid.
Ok, I’m a woman in her 30s. You should’ve paid with no complaints. You asked her out and picked the place. When someone asks for your time and plans a date, especially a man, it’s pretty common knowledge that he’s covering it. If I ask someone out, I’m expecting to pay for it (man, woman, cousin, whoever). Maybe she doesn’t “expect” it, but she likely would’ve appreciated it, and likes generosity in people she’s dating. Since she didn’t see that, of course the chemistry is gone. I’d feel the same if I was her.
Nowadays, plenty of women *want* to split the bill so they don’t “owe a man” anything. You have to find that information out first. Clearly this woman is more traditional and expected to be treated in an old school sense.
I’m 34F in nyc. I date men who pay for dates. I’ve never had a man ask to take me out and then ask me to pay. I would decline and surmise we are not compatible.
I’ve never split the bill but I used to open my own tab and pay for my own things on dates and never got second dates. Letting men pay has increased the amount of 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc dates I’ve gotten.
For a first date, I don’t EXPECT the guy to cover the bill, but if he doesn’t I don’t go on a second date. I don’t mind a back and forth or splitting after that, but it doesn’t leave a good first impression imo.
You’re 54 years old, you should know better by now.
You should have paid and if you weren’t willing, you should have done coffee or something free.
Ur 54 bro just pay for it. I am 36m. It shouldnt matter bro at 54 u got money just pay for it yes that is what we do as men.
My perspective on this as a woman – yes it came across as cheap. If I date two guys and guy 1 immediately asks to split the bill, and guy 2 offers to pay -> I offer to split -> he graciously accepts, the outcome is the same monetarily. But I probably won’t go out with guy 1 again, whereas I will go out with guy 2 again
You sound so cheap to ask her to pay the tip
Don’t be a cheap ass
It sucks and I can understand where it comes from. As a guy of means who dates younger, I generally find that I just pay for all meals and events, but (occasionally) they will pick up parking or drinks.
Pay the bill, women say a lot of stuff they mean in theory not practice.
Honestly 20 years ago more women paid they are regressing.
Also splitting a 60 dollar bill at 54 is wild.
Women will say they don’t expect it, but at least in North America, they actually do. Unpopular opinion maybe but I’ve seen it proven again and again
This is why your first date shouldn’t be a dinner date. Meet for coffee meet for drinks meet for dessert. But a dinner date is heavy and there are women who go on them just to get a free dinner.
Whoever invites the person out AND selects the place should pay. If I invite a friend out to lunch, and pick the place, I pay for their food.
This is basic etiquette.
man if she threw away the whole thing just because you asked to split, she wasn’t that into you anyways. don’t worrry too much about it. it’s her loss.
As a woman, if a man asked me to split a bill, I definitely would split it. However I also would immediately lose a large amount of attraction. I feel that if a man is really interested in me, he won’t risk doing ANYTHING that may mess up the date, including asking me to split the bill. So because of that, if you ask me to split I would think it’s because you feel this won’t go any further after this. Since after all, you are willing to take the risk of me seeing you in a negative light.
I am fully able to pay for myself and am not a gold digger by any means, but at 33 I expect the man to pay for the first date, including tip, otherwise I’m not seeing him again. 🤷🏾♀️
The problem is what you did is cheap, which is a big no no in many women’s book, even though they are willing to split. Being unnecessarily cheap is so not worth it. You are 54 and it wasn’t even a dinner date (drink and snack you said), so the tip cannot be that much, and you asked her for pay for it? Most women would lose interest straightway.
I can see why you’re 54 and still single.
I’m 37f and always pay either for the date or my own food on dates. Later on I like to take turns paying for things. I’m more of an independent type of date. I don’t like to owe a date anything. I also have preferences for first dates that are low pressure and express it openly. You both should have communicated what you expected for the date and who would cover what. This is a learning experience and no one is too old to learn.
you took her on one date & it was just apps & drinks & you are in your 50s & couldn’t handle the bill 😭 bro i don’t blame her
You’re seeing the sexism here first hand. It’s not surprising, but it’s sad.