Hi I and my wife are from Kenya. We are 22yo and came to Pennsylvania so I could pursue my PhD in Mechanical Engineering. We have 3 kids (3yo, 2yo and 8 mos) and do not plan to have more until we return to Kenya in 2030.
My wife does not speak English. She grew up in a remote village, whereas I went to an international school and most of my instruction was in English. Our 3 and 2yo speak both Swahili and English, as I’ve taught them. My wife never wanted to learn when I’ve tried to teach her, and now that she’s in an English speaking country it’s tough. The grocery store is hard, making friends is hard, even mom support groups. I’ve offered to sign her up for an ESL course at my university, it’s twice a week, virtual and free. I would pay someone to watch the kids from 8AM – 12PM becaude the course is from 9-11AM. She doesn’t want to do that either so I said ok have fun being anxious and not understanding or being able to speak a word of English in this country.
She got mad and said she never asked to come here, that our lives were fine and we would’ve been fine if I had just taken the govt job as an entry level engineer. That’s not what I wanted to do with my life. The PhD was by far the better opportunity, and would put us in a better position when we return to Kenya. She called me selfish for taking us here and I didn’t even know how tk respond to that.
What should I do?