I (20F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for about 3 years and we've been long distance throughout the course of our relationship. We meet up consistently every few months and unfortunately we don't get much time together.
I'm planning my next trip to see him, and I'm hesitant to do it. He has a much higher libido than I do and everytime we see each other if we don't do something like that then he gets noticeably upset. I spoke to him about this and I think his reasoning completely makes sense. He says he feels unattractive when I reject his advances, and it sucks because we don't get much time in person together to do things like that.
Although I see where he's coming from, I do not think I should have to do things like that if I do not want to, and I think not wanting to should be ok. Especially in our long term relationship, I think he should understand that I'm going through a hard time right now and I may not want to have sex.
So before I went to book my next trip, I had a serious talk with him about not being sure about seeing him. I told him sometimes it feels like he values sex more than any other activity we could be doing together, and Im scared that if I dont want to do that when Im with him he'll get really upset with me again. He told me I make him feel disgusting when I reject his advances, and that it isn't fair that I'm assuming that about him. He said it's healthy to have needs in a relationship, and he should have his needs met too. He ended the conversation by hanging up on me and disappearing, I made him upset because I was firm and told him I didnt think it was ok.
I think he might be right, I could be assuming the worst of him, I could be being unfair. However, I am genuinely a little unsettled by going over to see him and I can't shake that feeling. I'm posting here because I dont feel this is a topic I can tell people about in my personal life, and I think this is a place where people will be honest with me if I'm being unreasonable.
TL;DR: My boyfriend feels unattractive and unwanted because I havent been desiring sex from him. He's frustrated because we're long distance and don't get many chances to do things like that. I feel pressured by him, and am worried he will guilt me into doing things I dont want to do.
Edit: It's worth mentioning that I used to have a much higher libido, and it did match his. However, the past year I have been completely overworked and am beyond exhaustion. I simply just really don't feel good right now, and I'm not in a great place