I need brutal honesty because I’m struggling to understand where exactly we’ve gone wrong. For a few years now we’ve had some off and on intimacy issues. We had 6 pregnancy losses and did fertility treatments for our oldest. We had a surprise pregnancy 6 week post partum after an emergency c section/pre e hospital stay. With the new pregnancy we had a long hospital stay too and I had eclampsia and HELLP. It caused some long term issues so even though the youngest kid is 2 I’ve been quite sick off and on. My husband was so great in the beginning but I’m really questioning things now. He will act like he’s the only one in the house that does anything when he has to help even a little bit.
The past few months have been extremely hard for me and my husband. I’ve had a 2 close family members pass away and he’s had 1 pass away. My grandma passed away unexpectedly and we spoke like every day. She was one of my best friends so my heart has just been broken. I’m on antidepressants but my doctor didn’t want to change anything because he said it was new/situational and that it was better to work through my emotions. I did sleep a lot for a few weeks and then I let my husband do a lot in the house and was pretty lazy for a while – I can see how that would be frustrating to him. But he never complained about it to me, and I was so gracious for everything he was doing/him taking care of the kids. He’s a teacher and I work from him and care for our kids so I was working and he was home for the summer during this time. I think he’s harboring resentment about this.
Today, he was rubbing my back while I was cleaning a pee spot on the couch – our toddler is potty training and she had an accident. I asked him if he was just being sweet or if he was trying to have sex (because for almost 2 years he only touches me when he wants to have sex with him. He doesn’t really offer physical intimacy otherwise.) he said he was just rubbing my back but then said “so what if I want to have sex” I laughed and said I could be convinced but reminded him that I’m having issues finishing and that it’s not that I am not interested in him, it’s just a mental block from the loss I’ve suffered the past few months and some medical issues I’m having that stem from my lovely kiddos.
He was rubbing my back and said is there anything you don’t want do. I let him know I was spotting – I’ve had extreme bleeding since my last pregnancy and went as far to have a uterine ablation and still had continued bleeding. The next step is a hysterectomy but I’ve been putting it off. I have been suffering a lot of pain. He got mad and said, “are you really bleeding or are you just saying that?” I’m like why would I make this up??? I told him to get his hands off of me and he stormed out.
Later, he still hadn’t apologized. I told him that I was really hurt and he would just reply okay and roll his eyes. He told me I’m not interested in him anymore. Tonight I brought it up again and mentioned that I may also not feel like it because I just don’t feel like a physical connection:he only touches me when he wants something. He told me that I just make excuses and that he does everything around here and all I do is sleep. He also said I never spend time with him or my kids and that all I do is stuff that I want to do. This is very very untrue. I do nothing but spend time with my kids, and I also try to spend time with him but he acts like he doesn’t like me a lot of the time. I’m chatty in general and he just keeps his AirPod and doesn’t reply to me when I’m talking to him unless I ask why he’s ignoring me.
At this point, is there even anything left to do? I do clean, I make all his meals, I watch our kids/plan activities and sensory things for them, I do his laundry, I work from home, and I try to hang out with him . I actually don’t understand what he is saying at all and I’m just heart broken. He told me he acts like he doesn’t like me because of the way I act toward him/not showing him love. I found myself googling separation info after this one. Maybe it’s dramatic but I feel so stuck. Like he doesn’t love me but he wants me to have sex with him and be his mom. I’m so exhausted from all of this.
TL;DR my husband and I aren’t getting along. He tells me I never do anything, but I feel like I do everything.