Hi everyone,
My partner (26M) and I (25F) rent a house together. About a year ago, his dad moved in “temporarily” while he looked for a place. It was supposed to be just a few months, but it’s now been over a year and he’s still here.
At first I was understanding I wanted to support my partner and his dad but it’s gotten to the point where it’s really affecting my mental health and our relationship. I’ve asked my partner multiple times to talk to his dad about moving out or even just about cleaning up after himself, and every time he says he will… but it never happens. Here’s the part that’s making this harder for me to accept: his dad actually has the money to live on his own. He got around half a million dollars in his divorce (over 3 years ago), and the plan was for him to buy a house. Instead, he’s bounced around first living with a friend until he was kicked out, and now with us. I have countless open and honest conversations with my partner about how it affects me, and how it’s affecting out relationship.
Because of this, I don’t feel like this is our home anymore. I miss what life was like when it was just us having our space, feeling comfortable, being intimate. We haven’t been intimate at all since his dad moved in, because my partner feels uncomfortable with his dad in the house. I feel disconnected and rejected, even though I know my partner loves me.
The hardest part is I don’t think my partner understands how serious this is for me. I’ve tried to explain that it’s affecting my confidence, my mental health, and my sense of closeness with him. But I also know this isn’t easy for him, it’s his dad, and he probably feels stuck between us. I want to be sensitive to that, but I also need my needs to matter too.
I don’t want to give up on us he’s the most important person in my life but I’m reaching my breaking point. I don’t want to resent him or his dad, but it’s getting hard.
Has anyone been through something similar? How can I help my partner find the courage to have this conversation with his dad, without it turning into a fight or making him feel like he’s abandoning his father? I want us to work through this together, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.
TL;DR;: my partner does not care about my needs or our relationship.