TL:DR My partner ended our relationship a little over 2 weeks after our baby was born. It seems out of nowhere and I am at an incredible loss.
Hi everyone. I am at a loss and I feel pretty devastated. After a very long and arduous birthing process that had to turn into a C-section, my partner texted me when I got off work ending our relationship.
I was off work for about 2.5 week to take care of my partner and newborn before I had to go back in to work. I bathed both of them, as well as feeding both of them (partner and newborn) as well as offer as much emotional and physical support and encouragement as possible. Things were not/ are not easy at all, but we were making good progress, with my partner thanking me and saying many loving words of affirmation and support. This past Sunday, she said she needed a break from me (we each have our own separate places but spend considerable time at each one together). Her parents were helping her at home in the mean time
After 5 day of not seeing her our our child. She texted me essentially ending our relationship. Stating that she owes me no explanation and to respect her space. I was grabbing a coffee with an old 50 y/o male friend, and as I checked my phone before heading home I had seen the text.
I am distraught and confused, due to the fact that the whole week she was sending loving messages up to until that morning.
26 comments
Could be post partum but saying they don’t owe you an explanation sounds like the kid may not be yours tbh
Well, not seeing your newborn for 5 days is probably a good reason.
I’m extremely confused. You, together, have a newborn? And you were away for 5 days?
Like. What? C section is serious surgery, and you bathed her and the baby… Once? She’s still bruised and recovering, she and the baby need on the spot 24/7 care and attention for weeks and all meals made and night wakeups handled. You just left?
And you were getting coffee, catching up with an old friend?
If you absolutely have to work, if you Don’t have PTO or FMLA, then it’s work and come right back too so a second shift at home.
Even if she said she needed a break from you, you have a right (and a duty!) to see your child. And care for both of them.
Look you need to be over there begging and you better bring the best prepared foods you can find or make.
Co-parenting a newborn even if you guys are broken up or whatever is still *daily* many hours of care that you need to show up for.
Man, that’s brutal. Two weeks postpartum is such a chaotic, emotional time and it sounds like you were really showing up for her. A sudden shift like that could easily be postpartum depression or just the hormonal storm talking, but it doesn’t make the pain of that text any easier to deal with.
Time to get a lawyer and establish paternity. Including a paternity test. She doesn’t get to dictate when you visit your child, and she does owe you an explanation.
Man, people are ripping into this guy way too much imo
This is post partum depression. She is not mentally well.
Does she have family you can reach out to? This makes me nervous that there’s some post partum depression going on. She needs support, and she needs someone that can get her to go see a doctor. It’s also very important that someone else have eyes on the baby every day, she shouldn’t even physically be doing this on her own right now. See if there’s a friend or family member that will step in and check up on her and assess the situation calmly.
It’s important that her doctor be apprised of this. It sounds like the beginning of PPD.
I’m not sure why people are suggesting you show up to her house when she told you she didn’t want you there. This sucks op, something else has to be going on. Maybe she’s dealing with something like ppa/ppd and not recognizing it, that happened to me.
I would still recommend “being there” (again, not physically if she says not to be there, which it sounds like you haven’t been doing but adding this anyway!) in whatever supportive ways you can, perhaps starting with a responsive text, and agree with the poster who recommended establishing paternity so you at least get your deserved custody time.
Considering you don’t live together, how long have you been in a relationship? When you say things were not/ are not easy what does that mean exactly?
She owes you no explanation? No, screw that. You’ve got a kid together. You don’t get to just walk out unless she or the baby are at risk of physical harm or worse. PPD is not an excuse. She definitely DOES owe you that explanation.
Get off your ass, shove your grief, anger and all the negative emotions down for now and get answers. Involve a lawyer if you have to. And because Reddit is Reddit, get a paternity test done. If that baby is your baby, be the most present, bestest dad you can be. Fight for your kid.
Compassion and keep showing up gently, be there to have time with your child.
You really need to be careful here. It’s likely not over, she’s having a really tough time mentally & physically after having a baby & feeling very out of control of her body & mind. Very disorienting time for her. I’m sorry it’s been so tough for her & for you as well. Your feelings & needs are important. Her safety could be at risk though, so please be careful & try to get her to speak openly with her doctor.
Be patient. Be gentle. Encourage her to go back to her doctor or have a telehealth appointment with a doctor. Contact her family & let them know you are worried about PPD, especially if she shuts you out. It’s a very serious thing & can severely affect mental health. Really try to coax her back to the doctor. There’s medication & other interventions that can help her. Can you take any more time off work to give her more support? Just be as patient with her as you can be. Try to get her to see a doctor. Get your ducks in a row legally to protect yourself a well.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this & that she’s had such a hard birth. Sending yall a hug. Congrats on the little one & hang in there!
Treat it like a postpartum issue until it can be ruled out. Be careful, her emotions are a jumble. Don’t buy the part about not owing you an explanation, she does.
Might not be your child…..
Can you talk to her parents? I’d try and get her to a doctor. Possible post partum or cpsd. Unfortunately might be a good idea to make sure the kid is yours
How long were you together before she got pregnant? (I’m guessing not that long since you don’t live together, but I could be wrong.)
It’s totally possible this is postpartum depression. It’s also totally possible she wanted help throughout her pregnancy and always planned to break up with you after having the baby (not saying that’s an OK thing to do, just saying it’s another possibility). If this was an unplanned pregnancy and you weren’t that serious before this pregnancy, that could be even more likely. It’s also possible she planned to stay with you at the beginning, then changed her mind toward the end of the pregnancy.
Whatever her reason is, you may have to accept that you simply are not meant to be a couple. However, assuming a paternity test confirms that the baby is yours, you definitely don’t have to accept not seeing your baby. Try to work something out with her regarding seeing the baby and get a lawyer.
I think you should post this in a parenting subreddit— a lot of these comments are obviously coming from people who have no idea what they are talking about. Your partner is almost certainly suffering from very serious post partum depression. It’s best to assume you have not been broken up with. You need to figure out how to continue to support the two of them (with meals, buying supplies such as diapers, offering supportive words, taking shifts of looking after the baby if your partner wishes) while still respecting her wishes to have some distance from you.
Am I missing it or are you refusing to answer the question: “how long were you in this relationship”?
You need a paternity test as soon as possible. It may not be post partum depression like others are saying.
> Stating that she owes me no explanation and to respect her space
Yeah no if it’s your child then she can’t unilaterally prevent you from seeing the baby. Time to lawyer up it seems.
” with my partner thanking me and saying many loving words of affirmation and support” – for a while i thought you were the one who gave birth and i had to read again just to realize she’s the one who gave birth. she’s not wrong, she ddoesn’t owe you anything, espcially if you think you did so much for a woman who just basically risked her life to give birth to your child with feeding her and bathing her, well i understand why she text what she did
this reminds me to always remain single and never have children. thank you!
The 2.5 weeks of care won’t mean a lot if you didn’t do much before it, I’m guessing that you showing up after the baby seemed to her like you care about her only when your baby is involved.
If you didn’t care for her before, like you did in the 2.5 weeks, it may have looked like you’re only taking care of her because of the baby or that you had it all in you but chose to not show it until the baby.
Get a paternity test