My husband grew up poor and when we first met, he hid his financial situation from me. He told me he lived with his parents and he would drive around an older Honda accord and he said it was his car. I would go over to his house and he said his parents weren’t home atm but I’ll meet them soon. They had a Denali truck and an older but like customized Camaro outside and he said they were his dads.
Then he told me one day over dinner. His parents don’t live there and the cars weren’t his dads, they were his. He just didn’t want me to like him for the wrong reasons. I told him I don’t care about any of that.
He wasn’t rich by any means, he was just doing better than the average 23 year old. His house wasn’t huge, it was 2 bedrooms and a little office, it’s just not something you’d expect a 23 year old to be living in.
It’s been 4 years and we still live there and are married. He wants to get a bigger house but we don’t have kids yet, and I love it it’s super cute. Nothings just ever enough for him. He spends money recklessly, he always wants more and more. I should add, we still arent rich, but he does well.
More shoes, a more expensive car, more jewelry, more Louis Vuitton crap, all impulsively too. When he’s out with friends he’ll see something cool and just buy it on the spot. he doesn’t save a penny. He buys me stupid stuff too and I tell him I don’t need it. One time, a few months ago, we were out on a date and walking through downtown and he spent over a thousand dollars on hellstar hoodies and t shirts. He was like “let me get that one, that one, and that hoodie. All large.” Like he was ordering lunch.
I’ve told him over the years we need to save and he needs to be smarter. He would always say “this is the last thing then I’m gonna seriously start investing” and after the incident with the hellstar clothes I told him if he isn’t going to be responsible, we need separate bank accounts, and I need to go back to work and he said hell no and I said it’s one or the other and he finally opened up to me.
He said when he was growing up, he wanted everything his peers had, and he would get so angry, and he’s still feels angry about it to this day, and when he gets to finally have those things, or be able to see something he wants and get it, it feels like he’s making up for it. Like he’s getting back at all those years when he was younger and couldn’t have it.
So we talked, and he said he would be open to therapy, and well maybe figure out a budget, enough to save, and maybe a little bit to have fun with.