I love animals and I love dogs but I don't want them in my house. I don't mind staying in a pet owned house for a couple of days but not permanently.
My wife and I have been together since high school for 18 years (7 years married) We're both 35 yo. About half and a year ago, my wife started conversations about getting a pet in our house with me. She's been suffering from major depression and convince herself getting a pet will change our lives but I feel awful and anxious whenever this topic comes up. I tried to offer alternatives but she doesn't agree to any.
She tried to get a cat once (I blocked her attempt) and a dog once (she got scammed) while I wasn't OK at all.
Just as I decided I am not a pet person and she's convinced we're not getting one, a puppy came out of nowhere from her cousin and I caved and reluctantly say yes (because I want her to be happy more than anything) and thought I could bear it but it got worse for me day by day then I snapped and cried my eyes out on the phone with her after two weeks. I know two weeks is too short but I thought it's better than late. She talked to her cousin about bringing it back.
I feel bad about why I said yes in the first place and now by quitting. I feel like I disappointed her, she feels awful and trying not to get mad at me but it restrained our relationship already. She said if I wasn't that bad, I wouldn't tell her. She points and I realised there is some problem with my psychology too because I'm not this kind of person who snaps abruptly. I cried twice in last two weeks, and I've cried maybe just a little more than 5 times in my life. I'm definitely going to seek help for my mental health.
My main concern is my wife's depression is going to deteoriate and we can't repair our relationship. She's suicidal for the last year but getting better last 3-4 months. I feel like and she admits that an irreperable wound has emerged. I don't know how to proceed from there. We love each other so much, we grew up together and we're our best friends.
Is there anyone has experienced similar things? How did it go for you? What advice can you give me?