As a woman I enjoy feeling the connection of actual penetration with a penis. Even when someone was going down on me when it got really intense I would beg to be penetrated. On Reddit because my husband can no longer have sex I feel like a lot of people shame me for not being satisfied or happy without PIV. Or like I’m supposed to just be happy without getting off by some mechanical means. It just doesn’t feel very connected to me. I like the feeling of a man taking control over my body. I like feeling and hearing him enjoy my body. It’s sexy it’s connecting. Why does everyone seem to shame me for wanting that?


13 comments

  1. Hi there /u/Fearless-Muscle3407

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    Post title: Being shamed for wanting PIV

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    As a woman I enjoy feeling the connection of actual penetration with a penis. Even when someone was going down on me when it got really intense I would beg to be penetrated. On Reddit because my husband can no longer have sex I feel like a lot of people shame me for not being satisfied or happy without PIV. Or like I’m supposed to just be happy without getting off by some mechanical means. It just doesn’t feel very connected to me. I like the feeling of a man taking control over my body. I like feeling and hearing him enjoy my body. It’s sexy it’s connecting. Why does everyone seem to shame me for wanting that?

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  3. Who is shaming you? If it’s just people on Reddit, don’t worry about that, most of the people shaming you have likely never talked to a person in real life, let alone had sex. Wanting more than your partner can provide is okay, it’s part of why /r/ethicalnonmonogamy exists.

    Edit: to clarify, I’m not suggesting OP go ENM, I’m letting her know there’s no need to feel ashamed for wanting more than her partner can provide, as some people have multiple partners and that’s okay

  4. Because a lot of people have extremely conservative and imho backwards and mysogenistic ideas about what sex is and how a woman should enjoy it. Don’t worry about the haters. I understand you miss piv. Piv is fun. As a guy, I would miss it. And you better believe that I would appreciate it if my woman would mourn it if I couldn’t anymore. Hugs. You are normal.

  5. You’re having perfectly normal feelings. Reddit is full of people that think they know everything and/or are better than everyone. It’s a really wild show.

    Missing that intimacy makes sense. If we were in the same situation and my wife communicated those feelings I’d be ok with her finding someone to satisfy them. It’d be pretty selfish of me not to let her have enjoyment because of a situation I (presumably) couldn’t control. But then again my wife would be tickled pink if she didn’t “have to” have sex anymore. 😅

  6. You should absolutely not be shamed for your desires. What you want and need is what you want and need. We should never be put down because of that.

    Has your husband tried using a cock ring and a pump maybe add tadalafil as a medication? It’s possible that can help. I don’t know what you have looked into.

    It’s not wrong to want things that you can’t have. I fantasize all the time about having anal and oral sex at the some time. I love both and would love to be taken like that. But I also don’t want anyone but my husband. We are open and talk about fantasies. There is never any shame involved because we are totally supportive of each other.

    The main thing is communicating with your husband, being totally up front and honest. And figuring out how big of an issue this is for both of you. I’m not keen personally on the idea of adding an extra person to the mix, but if this is going to be a permanent situation, and other things like Tadalafil, cock rings and penis pumps aren’t going to address the issue, then you need to be honest about your needs.

    You also need to be opening to hearing about his needs as well.

  7. I agree with everything you said, so here’s one person that doesn’t belong to everyone.

  8. Don’t even listen to these idiots. Look, you know what you want, you know exactly why you want it and you know precisely how you want it. Not only is that knowledge good and true, but it is MOTHERFUCKING valid! Okay?

  9. As a male in a dead bedroom, (28y married, sex maybe 30 times in that period, last around 4 years ago, she has med issues) I get what you mean. There is an actual desire to want to carry out piv, no amount of cuddling or ‘alternatives’ do more than make it more frustrating.

  10. Do you think this is sustainable for you? I think id be very unsatisfied as well… sex isn’t the most important thing but if there’s no sexual intimacy, you might as well just be friends. Id have to have a chat and find an understanding, get a discreet fwb. Unless I really wasn’t interested in sex anymore.

    And my ex used to shame me for having a higher sex drive as a woman… my friends would shame me for being a “size queen” smh. I think when it comes to women and sex, most still believe we shouldn’t have needs and desires.

  11. Is there any way that a compromise of sorts could work? If he were to use and control a toy of some kind, such as a dildo, vibrator, or a remote control toy? I accept that it’s absolutely not the same as piv, if nothing else the mechanics and feelings are very different, and the nature of the intimacy as well.

    Failing that, would a cock sheath or expander be workable for either of you?

    These are, again, mechanical alternatives and substitution so I do appreciate that it’s not really meeting the fundamental need that you describe of having your husband fuck you, using his dick.

    It may be worth him, or the both of you, talking about this with whichever doctor prescribed his medication though; if this is a side-effect then it may be possible to either titrate the dose enough to recover sexual function (even if that requires other drugs in addition, such as sildafenil/Viagra) or perhaps switch to a different drug that avoids the sexual dysfunction.

  12. Lot of subReddits especially lifestyle subs … are frequented by posters who take joy in abusing the poster of every new thread. This seems to be a way for the involuntarily celibate, to vent frustration.

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