Ok so boom. I’m going to try and explain this as best I can without rambling too much. Just to preface, I (25F) have been at my current job for almost 2 years. Within the last few months or so, a certain coworker (50ish? M) has more or less confessed his feelings for me.
Initially, I think what started this whole thing was how we’d been chatting about music and shared interests/hobbies. He liked to call me an “old soul” and told me he could relate to me more than a lot of people my age. Cool. No problem with that. In my eyes, our association was nothing more than co workers who got along, which in any work place I’d imagine is a bonus, so I saw nothing wrong with that. We had a few good conversations and I genuinely thought we were getting along as friends. WRONG. This man has totally fallen head over heels. Ok, it happens. But when I set a boundary and basically told him that I didn’t feel comfortable having that kind of relationship with him because I am in a long term relationship (which he’s known about basically since I started work there, and I have stated multiple times over) and am in no way seeking anything outside of that, it’s like a switch totally flipped. I will admit, I should have addressed things earlier on when I started to get the vibe that something was off, but I didn’t think I needed to explain to a married man who’s twice my age with children that I wasn’t romantically attracted to him because we shared some common interests and could hold a conversation? Idk so that’s probably on me, and I apologized and took accountability. But instead of understanding, he like, totally derailed and just couldn’t fathom that I wasn’t “into him” like he was into me. Told me I thought he was “unattractive and old,” which I never said at any point. And ever since that whole confrontation, things at work have just been awkward between us. Like what, you were only okay with chatting and getting along when you thought I was into you? Like he’s totally moping at work and barely speaks to me now, and I can just tell there’s been a weird vibe about him ever since that went down and I have a strong feeling that it’s because of all this, bc he never acted that way prior. Idk this whole thing has just really caught me off guard. I’m not trying to be insensitive or play the victim, but we had several conversations and instances in which I hinted that I only wanted a friendship and I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything beyond that, and now I’m annoyed at the fact that he’s kinda icing me out. I never said I wanted to be strangers, I just didn’t think the direction he was steering things was appropriate. Again, I probably let things escalate to a point where feelings were at risk of being hurt, and that’s my fault. I’m a bit of a people pleaser and I have a hard time standing my ground, but a firm boundary needed to be set and I was actually proud of myself for standing on business this time and taking control of the situation, but the way he’s been acting at work is really bumming me out, and making me feel like I did something wrong. I genuinely thought we were getting along as friends, given the circumstances.
I’m torn between reaching out again and trying to salvage the remains of our affiliation solely because i have to work with him every day, and don’t want things to be awkward and uncomfortable, or just letting it go and moving on about my life. I really did enjoy his friendship and conversation, it was never an act or a ploy to use him to my advantage. I just really need some outside perspective on this. My friend says he’s just trying to manipulate me with the sad act because he knows I’m a caring person and just wants me to do what he wants, but I can’t help but feeling like this is my fault for not being more firm in the beginning. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR my coworker confessed his feelings for me, I told him I don’t feel the same way because I’m in a relationship and don’t see him that way, but he’s taking things really hard and it’s making work tense.