A week ago I(17F) ended friendship with two of my friends and well I don't regret it because they weren't worth keeping. So I'm left alone with only one friend and she understands things but don't get me really well, the reason is i don't open up or speak much. I'm an introvert and really keep everything to myself. She asked me what kind of friend do I want or what friendship means to me and I went quiet, not because I didn't know what I want I wanted in a friend, but what I really want is deep and kinda messy+trauma related. I can't explain but I have childhood trauma and tbh I don't remember a shit about my childhood except just few scenes. And i think that if i talk to her, I'll have no topic to talk about because all she do is share her good ass memories while i mostly listen and with every friend I listen, i don't really speak, i just listen because it's alright to listen than to talk about your trauma all the time right? I don't know how do I really connect with her or with any other future friends. I tried to find therapist but this is a small town, i couldn't find any.
How do I open up or even talk about something else?