Men stare, I know, it's just what they do. But I get discouraged and insecure when everyone just admires me physically and does not even care to come closer. I feel like a total object (of desire).

I know it's common but it's hard for me to accept. The stares are frequent and intense in nature, even from the same people. I've had professors/lecturers sit in the lecture seats and turn their whole body to stare at me for minutes long during the lectures their colleague was giving (and yes I'm sure this happened).

I'm not boring or mean, even my male friends say so, but to the men I've met I'm just a fantasy, not a girlfriend, not a wife, hardly human. Being from a certain ethnicity likely exacerbates this for me.


7 comments

  1. Anxiety, caution, bad experiences and yes even seeing women as just a piece of meat take your pick as to why us guys don’t get close. I get where you’re coming from you want to form a connection instead of being seen as just a pin up on a wall, why don’t you try engaging the ones you really find interesting or attractive play some “catch” there’s a lot less approaching from a guys point of view nowadays as compared to back in the day in the U.S. especially with social media and dating apps being all too common and the dangers of being me too’ed as well lol.

  2. What do you look like when men are looking at you? Is it a bored face, and are you making yourself look approachable? Maybe you are dressing a certain way that implies you can’t be bothered? Personally, it really helps me approach a girl when she smiles at me, or wears bright outgoing colors, or does not look exhausted/depressed.

  3. That’s shit, creepy professor for doing that. If you’re in a lecture theatre you’ve probably got a great future ahead of you, and if you have male friends to talk to about this then at least some of them should give you some moral support. So you’re only gonna get more confident and grow a new energy to rise above this weird and frustrating problem that life has given you.

  4. Thank God it’s not just me. The same thing happens to me all the time but I don’t approach. Its really annoying!!! I am also from a certain race so it definitely makes me feel a type of way.

  6. I get how discouraging that must feel. When people only stare but don’t approach, it’s easy to feel like they’re reducing you to an object and not actually seeing you as a person. But the truth is, most people stare because it’s safe. Looking doesn’t risk rejection. Talking does. That hesitation says more about them than it does about you.

    You already have something powerful-you said you’re not embarrassed to approach someone yourself. That’s huge. Most people, men or women, don’t have that confidence. If you know what you want, you don’t have to sit around waiting for someone brave enough to step up. You can take that first step and see who’s actually worth your time.

    And here’s another thing: not everyone who looks at you is someone you’d even want in your life. Staring is easy; respecting, listening, and showing up consistently is hard. So don’t measure your worth by how many people cross the line from “looking” to “approaching.” Instead, keep focusing on who treats you like a whole person once they *do* engage with you. It’s not that you’re “just a fantasy.” It’s that most people don’t have the courage to match their eyes with their actions. The ones who can-and who do-are the ones you’ll want to let closer.

  7. I’ve noticed you’ve made A LOT of posts about men “staring” atp are you sure their staring at you???

    It’s could be because YOUR staring at them first. Most people are in their head and tend to make up fanfics or scenarios on why x person is staring

    I’m sorry but you might just be in your head 😅

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