Saying this with reference to NYC but im sure many other places can all relate to it. The dating pool is trash because we're all creating it. Everyone is jaded and no one takes responsibility for how they treat one another. What someone does to one, that person will in turn do the same to another.
I was recently talking to a friend who was upset about being ghosted by a person they really liked and I asked, have you done the same to someone else? They responded yes and I said well that person may have also been ghosted before and just adopted doing the same thing. Its all a cycle where people who start off being kind and caring about others end up cold, distant, and avoidant.
Every action someone takes has a direct impact on how people subsequently treat others which is why we've ended up in this mess. If you call someone out its always, "they aren't entitled to a response" or "you don't owe anyone anything". The lack of decency and respect permeates throughout the broader society leaving us all unsatisfied and upset.
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I agree. I’ll admit I match on the dating apps, message twice, lose interest, and never respond again. It happens to me, I do it to others. I’m not in NYC but I’m in another large city with a comparable pool.
This thing has reached India too and happens here very often. Intact I am not even sure if there are any real profiles with women on the other end.
I’m also in NYC! I think this weird insistence that everyone should be dumped is bizarre. I’m 34 and there has never ever been a time when I received a breakup text where it was warranted. If we hangout once (or any number of times) and you never want to see me again I can pick up on that social cue, I don’t need a text about it. Contacting me to tell me you never want to see me again is so strange. I really think it’s a race to reject someone before you get rejected. I don’t want breakup texts so I don’t send them.
I agree with this 100%. I reassessed my own actions a few months ago and decided to be the change that I wanted to see. I’m still single but at least I feel good about how I handle things, even if the other person is an ass.
Everyone is dumping their crappy ex’s in the pool and pulling out the good ones .
Nobody likes crappy people so they stay in the pool while all the good ones get recognized and pulled..
Some of the good people eventually get sick of their crappy options and drop out of the dating pool entirely
Hence over time the dating pool is full of crappy people.
✨ be the change you want to see in the world ✨
Honestly, it’s just the natural progression of trying to make everything more efficient. Modern dating culture is shaped by volume.
If you had to hire someone for a company, and got 3 applications and resumes, you’d be able to devote enough time to each person to make things more personable.
If you got 500 applications… you just wouldn’t want to spend the time to do that.
If I am talking with dozens of women at the same time, it is just a fact that I have less time to devote to each single person until I weed them down.
Volume has made us a ‘number’ in the workplace, just as it is making everyone a ‘number’ in the dating game.
The environment has changed, so the culture of the game is changing as well.
You can argue whether it’s good or bad, but the fact is the ‘game’ has indeed changed due to technology and the sheer number of people using it to find partners.
Is it polluted? Or has it just changed to something new?
I absolutely always treat others the way I would want to be treated. Why? Because I have the maturity and leadership not to perpetuate shitty behavior.
This and all the guys spamming messages on apps then upset there’s no engagement and too much volume to compete with
Ghosting and all happen for reason mostly because people who were dumped go psychotic and over react to a rejection. They go nuts that’s why they get ghosted. Not really because we have polluted it or made it the norm. It’s less of that.
I will not ghost the guy generally and initially I won’t ghost him. But if the guy couldn’t accept NO, we weren’t meant to be, of course he would get ghosted and blocked. Or most likely reported both to the authorities and the app company if he stalked me or worse. Your post made it sound like no matter what, we should not ghost people. People are ghosted for reason, like for safety reasons or to avoid stalkers or being attacked if you’re a woman especially. Do you think we want to get 30 messages after one goodbye text? It happened to me before. A guy sent me so many messages after we only had one date. He became super clingy and kept sending me songs and poems etc even though I didn’t reply out of fear of more nutty crazy reactions to my rejection text. He even said he wants to leave the country because I dumped him. Yeah, only after one date. Seriously shocking. And this was after I sent him a nice respectful goodbye text. Cause and effect.
Maybe if more people were more mature and are able to accept a rejection like a mature adult, people won’t have to ghost people.
Yeah I get that sentiment. I’m trying to do my part to change it. I have been, as I expect we all have been, ghosted many times, especially on dating apps. It feels bad and I hate it, and I refuse to inflict that on anyone else.
I never ignore a message from someone I’ve started talking to, even if we’ve already established that we aren’t going to work out.
I’ve made a point to always reach out and explain why I don’t think a match and I are going to work out, and wish them luck finding their person. It’s what I would want if the rolls were reversed.
Rejection stings a bit, but not nearly as badly as the yawning chasm of wondering what you did wrong when the person you were interested in just vanishes. Because then you start assuming it was everything about you, your looks, how you acted, when usually it’s really just practical things you would agree with like distance being too far or wanting or not wanting kids etc.
I matched with an awesome guy in Hinge. We’ve been dating for a month. I hope we continue dating but if we don’t I hope that he would respect me enough to end things and not just ghost me. I would do the same for him.
Karma explained in a nutshell… jk jk.
I’ve seen this echoed a lot on here and I think the common theme is that dating nowadays has too much availability. We treat potential partners this way because we believe that they’re expendable.
I think we’ve all become too obsessed with the romantic aspect of having a relationship and not the reality. So when tough situations or unfamiliar emotions start to arise it’s easier to drop that person and find a new one than stay in that situation and deal with its root cause. Ofc with exceptions.
What does it all boil down to? IMO emotional maturity/intelligence, effective communication, empathy, and the ability to react to constructive criticism without getting defensive. And having a partner who’s willing to take on these challenges with you hahaha.