Maybe Im asking the question wrong, but most of my life, Ive been the outsider everywhere i go. Every job, school, club, church even my own family, ive always felt like the outsider trying to gain acceptance.
Everyday, i watch people carry long conversations that are cut short when i join or when i walk to close to their circle, but when i try to have a conversation with someone its a few words and they are done talking.
People tell me they are too busy to hang out or do anything but then post on social media their adventures they experienced. At work i watch people come in to specifically see someone simply because they missed them. Im told my dreams are too high and out of reach, but then i watch others go attempt it the same way and everyone is suddenly finding ways to help support them.
Some examples include having family tell my twin that it doesnt matter what season or sickness they have, they will find a way to attend her wedding, but i get married and suddenly their sickness is the issue why they cant attend.
At church im trying to discover Gods will for my life like getting into ministry but nobody will help me, but my brother gives his testimony and everyone races to help him go to seminary.
I work hard to get where im at but i watch people have handed stuff to them. When things at work go right, everyone else gets the praise, but heaven forbid something goes wrong and its my fault.
Ive had to fight every step of the way of my life without help. Ive fought through addictions(alcohol, drug, porn), 5 suicide attempts and 18 years of depression alone.
What am I doing wrong?