I'm a 29M and divorced, I work construction so I'm rarely ever around women, the only place I go to outside of work is church. The one I go to is all old people and the few people my age are already married.
But after years of being married myself (No friends of the opposite sex for years) and working construction I realize I don't know how to talk to women any more. All my attempts are awkward and creepy, I don't know how to be myself around women because I can't even feel comfortable around them.
It doesn't help that I'm not the best looking guy and that I'm 5'6" living in an area that has some of the tallest men in the entire country. People tell you not to let stuff like that bother you, I know better than to self loath, but it sucks and it's frustrating deep down it bothers me a lot…
It's easier just for me to stay home and not put myself out there, but I know I don't want that, I did that before I got married and it sucked. I have done dating apps, I stopped because I NEVER ONCE got a match, so for my own self-esteem, I just stay off of them.
I'm frustrated and don't know what to do.
5 comments
Dating apps are basically a sales game. I haven’t met a single guy who worked construction/labor (and I have been working adjacent to them for a decade now from the office) who on the surface seemed approachable or interesting. And I don’t blame them; long hours, hard work, most of their time is spent on the job.
As for the height thing; don’t let social media play it up as big as it is. I see plenty of ugly, fat, short and otherwise flawed people with partners.
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Construction / blue collar guys tend to have a more limited dating pool. Women know it is long hours. So you tend to need a more “I am fine being independent” woman and most of them want to be a SAH partner since they’re “sacrificing” frequency with you and they don’t feel it is fair they need to work while not getting to see you for more than a couple hours a night.
Hey man. I encourage you to rediscover yourself. Find interests, parts of town you like to be in outside of church and meet people that way. Start by striking up conversations with men, women anyone you find interesting. Something as stupid as “what’s that logo on your hat stand for?” Or “what’s a good thing to drink here?” If you’re at a bar or something. Get used to walking and starting conversations. I know you work a labor intensive job, so you’re probably too tired to workout. Try cleaning up your diet (Whole Food options with the occasional cheat meal) and maybe take long walks or something that gets your heart rate up. Also journal. Be honest and visceral. Write out exactly how you feel and it’ll help you feel better. Find a hobby too. Hobbies are great places to meet people. Online dating sucks, it’s all a blur and a great way to get burned out. You got this bro, take your time and you’ll get the juice back
Dating sucks and so does divorce. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time with it. I gave up a while ago so I have no advice. But I’m cheering u on from afar sir. Good luck
Try men, easier to talk to and can relate better.
Yeah, bro. Im 38m, recently divorced, in a new city, live near predominantly older people, working in trucking and im 5’7″. I almost never meet women so even though im coming out of feeling shitty about life/myself/divorce, im finding the world extremely cold. I haven’t done a good job of making friends ever in life – drinking was the only thing that “worked” in the past to meet people, but it doesnt work anymore – so I feel pretty isolated.
I don’t know what to do about it.
I need to develop hobbies that I go to regularly to meet people, but i have two problems doing that: 1) I dont want to leave my dog alone more than the 50+ hours a week i leave him alone already and 2) the hobbies im interested in are largely male-centric or single-player. Struggling as I am with being positive, I often feel hampered by those road blocks.
Thats probably more than you wanted to know, but suffice it to say, i know how you feel and hope for both our sakes that we find a solution.