i (18F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) for 3 years and lately i’ve been feeling uneasy about a situation. there’s this girl from his judo school who now goes to our college and she always comes up to him smiling, clapping him up, and talking to him, but usually when i’m not there. recently he said to me “she’s around and there’s someone to talk to when you’re not” and that hurt because he doesn’t let me talk to guys like that so it felt unfair. he apologized and said he didn’t mean it, but i can’t shake it off. he also told me “you can just tell me to stop talking to her and i’ll stop” but i don’t want him to stop just because i told him to, he’s grown and i want him to realize on his own that this might affect our relationship. i even told him he could keep talking to her because i don’t want to sound controlling. to me, if she wants to talk to him i’d rather it happen when i’m there because when it happens while i’m not around it just feels suspicious. he says it’s different because they’re “friends” from competing in judo and that she’s always the one coming up smiling. my question is how do i talk to him about this in a way that sets boundaries without sounding controlling? i don’t want to let resentment build but i also don’t want to come across like i’m trying to dictate who he talks to.