I’m in college. I’m 21. I’m a transfer student.
The hardest part about being a transfer student is realizing how hard it is to make social connections. You’re a junior who is surrounded by ppl that are nice, but don’t really want/need new friends. Everyone found their circle freshman and sophomore year. Now they’re juniors and seniors. They have harder classes. They’re looking for internships, research opportunities, co-ops, etc. You are as well, but while they have a social circle to keep them sane you are fighting tooth and nail to build your own.
I’m not disappointed with my decision, ig I just forgot to think about this aspect of it. At the end of the day it’s better than being in crippling debt. Still I can’t help but think about all I missed out on.
Dating is hard too. I’m not gonna sit here and say I never get approached, because it’s not true. That doesn’t mean it happens often either, last time a guy approached me was last year. I have gotten approached before, but by men that I didn’t mesh with personality wise. I’ve also approached guys, before with no luck. I also seem to run into a lot of great men with even more amazing girlfriends. Also the same reasons it’s hard to make friends are the reasons it’s hard to find a boyfriend.
Ig in the area I’m in I’m picky. I want a guy I find attractive, wants a relationship, is progressive politically, good sexual chemistry, and I want our personalities to mesh. I mainly have an issue finding ppl that want to actually date me seriously. When I do find someone that fits these boxes ig something about me makes them emotionally unavailable. The one guy that was great ended up moving somewhere far aware before we ever got to go anywhere serious. Most of the guys I see romantically are from dating apps. I’ve seen one guy romantically the natural friends to lovers way, but he was honestly so insecure about who he was, he didn’t even want to really give us a chance.
I think what hurts the most is when I’m not given a chance. It’s fine if things don’t work out, but I feel like ppl give up on me even when they do like me. Ah yes I’m gorgeous, funny, cool, smart, sexy, but you don’t want to hurt me because you’re not good enough for me (whatever that means). Got you. Hopefully the person that’s good enough is coming soon. Maybe he’ll find me when I’m 40. Also I’m well aware that some ppl are just saying these positive things to weaken tho blow, but somehow it feeds into my inferiority complex genuine or not.
I feel like I’m not good enough to find someone that sees me as worth the effort. I know that’s not how it works.