For context, my(32M) girlfriend(29F) hasn’t really had long-term partners before me. Most of her past experiences are one-night stands or short flings, while I’ve had a few committed relationships with longer-term sexual dynamics.
I’m struggling to understand her approach to sex. She doesn’t place much emphasis on orgasms—either during sex or even when she masturbates. She says what she enjoys about sex is the intimacy and physical closeness but says orgasms just don’t feel that great for her. She does like clitoral stimulation when I do it, but she’s hesitant about letting me go down on her, even though I’ve explained that I genuinely love it.
For me, orgasms have always been an important part of sex, both for me and my previous partners. Part of me feels like she just hasn’t experienced how good it can be with a partner, and I want to “show” her that. At the same time, I’m worried that I might be pushing too much in trying to get her to focus on something that just isn’t a priority for her. She enjoys PIV, which is mostly only what we do.
She’s somewhat eager to have sex in general, and she’s a little open to trying new things, but I’m not sure what my mindset should be here. Should I keep focusing on helping her achieve orgasms, or should I shift my perspective and meet her where she’s at—seeing sex more as intimacy without the emphasis on climax? For example, without orgasms, I struggle to know how long to play with her clit- she likes it, but there's no clear goal or stopping point.
I’d really appreciate insight from people who have been in similar situations, or advice on how to navigate this difference in sexual expectations. We've been talking about it but I think her overall lack of experience is hampering her ability to know what to ask for or expect, so was hoping to get some extra viewpoints.