Guys, I've been thinking about this for a while and I want to know if I'm the only one. Lately, I've realized that those first superficial conversations on dates (talking about the weather, how your week went, TV shows, or food) are actually key. Not because of what is said, but because of how it is said.
I've been on dates where the small talk flows naturally laughter, simple questions, a relaxed tone and in the end, those are always the ones that turn out best. On the other hand, when the trivial conversation feels forced or awkward, I know it's not going to work out.
Could small talk be a gauge of compatibility? Not in the sense of having identical interests, but in terms of seeing if there's chemistry in the most basic communication.
Have you ever been on a date where small talk made you say, “Yes, there's potential here,” or “No, this isn't going to work”? Do you think it's something we should pay more attention to?
13 comments
Completely agree. I had the best chemistry with a guy and we started with small talk
Small talk is your ability to maintain conversation while still appearing interesting. It’s sales. Being able to talk about mundane topics in a fun engaging way is important.
Small talk is like foreplay to big talk for me. I can’t just get slapped in the face with deep important thoughts, I need to ease into it. When small talk goes really well, my body and brain tune into the other person and it invests me into what they have to say. That’s how talking can make hours go by.
yes it helps
It’s not about the content (we’ve all talked about the weather a hundred times), but about the vibe does the conversation feel natural? Do you both lean in, laugh, build off each other’s comments, or does it feel like dragging a boulder uphill?
I think you’re spot on small talk isn’t superficial, it’s foundational. It’s not about what you’re saying, it’s about how you connect while saying it. Definitely something worth paying attention to.
It would depend on what type of chemistry you’re looking for, and whether the other person is their natural self and at ease early on. Like if you’re dating someone from another country with a wildly different personality you probably can’t gauge chemistry from small talk.
Person from your hometown that’s lived a similar life? Then it matters.
If you have chemistry then the topic doesn’t matter. If you don’t then it’s always forced. It’s gender neutral too – that is like we make friends.
I definitely think its an indicator from personal opinion when the small talk has been a struggled or just awkward and keeps stopping it always ends badly or goes nowhere
You’re definitely not the only one! I’ve been thinking about that too. I usually hate small talk, but lately I’ve been realizing just how important it is and started leaning into it as a way of gauging compatibility. It’s made it way easier to filter through matches on apps. Sure we have common interests and find each other attractive, but do we have compatible communication styles? On apps it’s really helpful to move the conversation from text to voice.
100% true ❤️
I hate small talk and if someone else is going down that path, I redirect them. lol.
As for your question, some people are jsut really easy to talk to. They have good social skills and charisma. They aren’t affected by first date nerves.
It doesn’t really mean much in terms of overall compatibility. Just is a good first step, as nobody wants to talk to a potato.
Yes defiantly, still trying to learning how to talk and keep up a conversation though. I do think if the vibes are there the conversation will just flow naturally!
People who claim not to like small talk aren’t doing it right. You can really get to know someone by making small talk. It helps you read their personality and the way they can or can’t contribute to a conversation. Small talk done right can easily flow into wonderful conversations.
I would not be impressed with someone who came at me right away with personal questions about myself or my life because they thought small talk was beneath them.