This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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How do people greet their dates on the first and second meeting from online dating? Is the first date a hug, handshake, or just wave? How about the second?
I was recently invited out to dinner by a former coworker that was visiting my city for work. I had previously distanced myself from this person because I felt the friendship was crossing boundaries, but they made the effort to invite me so I went. At this dinner I realized I have absolutely nothing to talk to this person about being that I’m single and they’re married.
They talked about their relationship with their partner, in-laws drama, some trips they were planning, successes at work, their new home, various hobbies they’re doing.
I just sat there thinking about how I’ll likely never have a partner again, my career is a dead end, I work two jobs to make ends meet, I’ll never afford a home, and I’m incapable of maintaining relationships or hobbies.
I cannot feel happy for this person, just jealousy and bitterness and anger, especially since I helped them significantly in their career. And recently have felt nearly no empathy for anyone. Therapy and medications are making it worse. It’s like I have to isolate myself to keep myself from going off on the rest of the world.
Got a first date for coffee tonight. Historically I’ve tried to do like, a cute but casual dress or something so it still feels like a date, but I’m low energy today and really considering if I can get away with dark jeans/tee/sneakers. We’re meeting in between him getting off work and me meeting friends for a late dinner and I wonder if dressing that casual on top of that is just going to make it feel too much like a coworker chat over coffee tbh.
I’m overthinking this and it’ll be fine either way, but I’m curious if you guys would dress up any or not!
I should “un-crush” the poor guy (who probably doesn’t even know I have a crush on him). He plays so much sport – he would play volleyball, cricket, badminton, swim, sing and play his guitar – the entire day from morning to night for almost an entire camp. And he plays action netball. I do exercise because I have to…. not necessarily because I want to. (To be honest….I could watch him play sport the whole day. Or listen to him sing the whole day)
I just want a Kaleesi in my life so I can pet her dragons and she can boss me around.
Can I get a profile review?
[https://www.reddit.com/user/Dances_2much/comments/1n2ey1d/prof_review/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Dances_2much/comments/1n2ey1d/prof_review/)
I’m (trying) to get back into dating after taking a break since January. I have HingeX, started beginning of August, and I’ve gotten 3 matches. I send 5-10 likes per day, all with unique messages about their profile. I like profiles of a wide variety of women in terms of conventional attractiveness, I’ll only send a like though if the prompts and photos are quality and well thought out. I’ve never gotten a date from Hinge, or even had more than a couple messages back and forth. I’d like to think I’m engaging in messages – I ask questions more than just “where do you work,” more like, “how did you feel about the dreary weather when you traveled to Seattle?” as a recent example. I will stop replying if I’m getting one word answers though. Of those three matches, one two did not reply to my initial message to them, and the other started giving one word answers so I stopped messaging.
Any tips? My friends say my profile is great, but my results don’t reflect that conclusion!
There’s two items that may be throwing a wrench into things:
1. I listed bisexual, although I’m only interested in dating women right now. I’ve experimented with my sexuality in the past, and in my last relationship (with a woman) this was a big issue. I want to proactively eliminate women who have problems with this from my dating pool, with the understanding that it does limit my options.
2. The eating bagels sans schmear thing makes it pretty obvious I’m Jewish and I think people make assumptions about my beliefs based off of that. I’m liberal and strongly anti-genocide but also HATE talking politics. I just do my voting thing once per year and otherwise try to ignore it. But maybe I should replace this response? But also being culturally Jewish is very important to me, it’s just a lot of people have incorrect assumptions about the beliefs of Jews, I’m reform and we’re extremely liberal as a community, and generally opposed to Netanyahu. My congregation openly considers him a war criminal. Anyways all that babbling aside. I have it listed that I’m liberal though so maybe that evens it out?
I meet a lot of people in real life so I’m thinking I may just ignore online dating since it doesn’t seem to work for me.
Why is dating so difficult these days? You’d think being in London it would be easier, but nope. It’s horrible.
I really just hate how it seems like i have to be the one to put in the effort of communication and planning dates with all my matches. I’m a bisexual woman btw. OLD conversations are like pulling teeth. From men and women! It’s so frustrating to realize that a lot of these people are likely just swiping while bored with no real intention to connect on a deeper level. It’d be different if we talked for a while and then they ghosted me. I actually don’t mind being ghosted, but half-assing communication right from the start is incredibly frustrating and worse in my opinion. Like, am I just a back burner option? A distraction? š¤¢
Iām not a religious person. I wouldnāt say that Iām spiritual, either. I donāt believe in soulmates. Iām not into astrology. I hesitate to put stock in ideas like karma, or āmanifestation,ā or destiny. Still, I canāt get over the crazy number of contingencies that had to occur in each of our lives to result in us both being single and looking at the same time and in the same city to find one another.
We both spent a huge amount of time in early adulthood enmeshed in systems that made relationships hard, or even inviable. The idea that either of us ā me at 34, her at 38 ā would reach those ages unpartnered, in the same city, and looking for the same thingā¦ I dunno, it does feel a little like the universe is throwing me a bone here.Ā
Weāre so different but also the same and totally complementary on both counts. She sees me, I see her. Again, Iām not into woo-woo shit, but I feel like we vibrate on the same frequency. Iām entirely comfortable in the conviction that we are meant to be the otherās person. Iāve never felt this way before, ever. How fucking lucky am I???
Hinge date last night went well (i think). She was very attractive, had a good sense of humor, and we have a bunch of mutual hobbies/interests. She said I was cute so hopefully those feelings are mutual.
I’m nervous though because we texted after but only made vague plans to see each other again as we’re both traveling for the holiday. Maybe I read this sub too much but it seems like that time gap always causes the vibes to cool off and one side or the other loses interest.
For those who found partners on dating apps: could you tell right away (as in before meeting in person) that there was something special about the person, or was it a surprise that you hit it off?
For me, my gf stood out because 1. She sent the first message on Hinge and 2. It was an actually interesting message and it lead to a fun, though brief, conversation.Ā I was more excited for the first date then I usually would be, but the first date actually ended up being pretty awkward lol.Ā But I liked her enough to at least ask for a 2nd date and we’ve slowly and steadily progressed from there.
Does anyone have tips for someone feeling particularly lonely? I have friends, but they’re all partnered and don’t have a lot of time. I work from home and I get out as much as I can, but some days I don’t talk to another human at all.
I’ve been focusing on fitness and eating right to keep my mind occupied during the day, but I feel kind of lost and unwell most nights.
So I seen people put similar lines on their dating profile or here in R4R subs, expressing that they’re open to either something casual (like hooking up) or serious dating.
I understand that people go on dates and it might not turn into a life-long relationship, I also understand that people may develop feelings later on once they started out casual.
The whole “I’m open to either casual or serious” gives me the vibe that this person hasn’t figured out what they want, so they’re keeping their option open. In my mind, it would be unfair for my date going in with the intention of serious dating while I still don’t know what I want.
It’s great that people are transparent, but I feel like wouldn’t be better to just choose one or the other? I’m not saying it’s “wrong” to keep their options open, like ya you can date multiple people until you’re exclusive (under monogamous context).
I’m genuine curious the thought process of “Hey I’m open to just hooking up, or we can date for marriage” type of approach.
Why shouldnāt I tell this womanās husband (and then immediately block both of them) that she dated me while married to him and lied about it and wonāt leave me alone even after a year of no contact and blocking her? Canāt think of another way to burn the bridge so she leaves me alone and stops stalking me online and popping up in person
Posted a few times in the sub a bit and just wanted to thank y’all for all the advice and guidance. Proposed to my girlfriend yesterday and she said yes. I look forward to what life has in store for us and wish the very best to everyone here!
Having dated or been in a few relationships in recent years where it hasnāt gone well, one of the things Iāve noticed in common with these experiences is theyāve not been through therapy or done the work to reflect and grow as a person and to be a better partner in a relationship.
Iāve learnt a lot over the years and continue to work on myself to be a better person and a better partner.
Iām wondering if it would be a bad thing or even a red flag if someone hasnāt been in therapy or worked on themselves seriously? I suppose ultimately it depends on how they are with you and how they treat you, but that takes time to know. Thereās no guarantees that someone who has been through these things will be a better partner, but I feel like maybe thereās a better chance of it going well. I just canāt imagine anyone is āperfectā and has never needed therapy or to work on themselves.
What to people think?
Anyone else just replaying The Prophecy by Taylor Swift over and over again? š Allowing myself to have a cry over this, even if itās selfish.
I have a match note on Hinge that says “I was in a marriage that ended last year. We’re fully separated (homes, lives, finances) and have filed for divorce, but the legal process won’t be complete for a few more months. No drama, just waiting on the paperwork.”
I want to make sure I’m being fully transparent about this with people I match with. Should I bring it up before we meet to make sure they understand my situation, or is the match note sufficient?