TLDR, I used to have high sex drive since childhood, and especially with my ex boyfriend, but that has suddenly disappeared in the last few years and with my current boyfriend. I am so frustrated and just want my body to feel like it used to, and respond to my wonderful and sexy partner. Seeking advice
I (F23), up until 2-3 years ago, had always had an extremely high libido, to the point of wanting to masturbate/orgasm several times per day. I always really enjoyed my high sex drive, and when I had my first boyfriend/sexual partner at 19, had intensely pleasurable experiences with him. We dated for a year and were not especially experienced or compatible in terms of fantasies, but I always felt very intense desire and sexual attraction, got very turned on easily, and usually orgasmed twice every time we had intercourse, even at the very end of our relationship. Throughout this relationship, I also had very pleasurable solo sessions.
After we broke up, my sex drive fell off like a cliff. I was way less interested in masturbating. I could still orgasm when I did masturbate, but the orgasms felt sort of unfulfilling and lacking in sensation if that makes sense? I chalked it up to just being heartbroken, and figured that pleasure was just reminding me too much of my ex. A few months after the break up, I got into a relationship (probably too soon) with my now boyfriend. We have been together 2.5 years now, and I love him very much and find him very physically attractive and sexy, and in some ways am more attracted to him and his body than my ex. However, my old arousal/sensation has never really come back, and I have never felt the same desire or sexual attraction when being intimate with my current partner.
We have sex around 2-3 times/week, I always want to mentally, but it just feels like my body will not respond AT ALL. I feel confused because I do always orgasm, sometimes more than once, but I am incredibly distracted throughout, and the orgasms/sensation feel muted and hollow if that makes sense. Foreplay seems to do nothing for me, like I feel nothing in my clit, yet I still eventually orgasm. Does anyone else have experience with this? What adds to my confusion is that I can’t feel anything alone (masturbating) either so I’m hesitant to jump to the conclusion that it’s an issue with my boyfriend. However, in some way I have always felt like sex with him physically feels like putting a square peg in a round hole.
I really love him, he is a wonderful boyfriend, and I don’t want to break up with him, but I also have realized that I don’t want to go the rest of my life feeling the way that I currently do about sex/not having better sexual experiences. I am desperate to fix this, and I am TERRIFIED that my body will never again feel the way it did when I was 19 with my first boyfriend, and that I will never again feel the pleasure I remember feeling all the time when I was younger. To add to the confusion, I am very bi curious and wondering if my body would respond differently to a woman. For reference I have only had the two sexual partners.
Sorry for the long post but I am desperate for advice or just understanding. Has any other AFAB gone through something like this? Does anyone have experience with losing sensation/sexual function and having it eventually fully return? If so, what was the answer? Could it just be an issue of lack of physical compatability with my boyfriend? Is it something biological/health related? Do I need to sleep with other people, maybe a woman, in the hopes of fixing it? Or maybe I just need pelvic floor therapy? Or to stop watching porn? I feel like my body is broken and I don’t want to lose my boyfriend over this. Any advice from someone who has experienced something similar would be so appreciated.