My husband is 31 and I am 25. I was in a bridge program getting my bachelors and finally finished. The past 6 months with our marriage have been complete hell. There was a guy I was in the program with and we got somewhat close. We studied together and things like that. During the first part we hung out a lot and studied because it really helped me and the program was hard. I have realized now I fucked up in some ways because I was so focused on my degree. I just wanted to be successful, had tunnel vision, and I let that cloud my judgement.
I had to drive for over an hour one way, so I was gone a lot and can totally see how he felt neglected. I thought he understood this would be a time of sacrifice for the greater good of our lives. My husband eventually started getting really upset about this and we fought constantly about it. Like I said, I was very tunnel vision and realize I made a lot of mistakes. At first i kind of thought that it was just normal male jealousy and couldn’t really see his side and that led to conflict. He was suspicious and worried whenever I left, was worried about my phone constantly, texted me a lot whenever I was gone.
His main problem was me and this guy spending time together. His bff made it way worse than it had to be imo. He completely convinced him that I was having an affair and I was not. Nothing ever happened between us and neither of us was interested in the other romantically. After we were fighting for so long I agreed not to see him outside of school and wouldn’t talk to him to save our marriage. He has treated this like I have cheated on him and that I should act like we are recovering from infidelity. I have gone along with a lot of it because of our marriage. I love him and don’t want to lose him. Depending on his mood he thinks I actually fucked this guy and I don’t know what to do about it. I can't change what he believes no matter how hard I try. I can’t admit to something I never did and don’t know how to change this dynamic. I have done everything he has asked me to do. I admit I was probably guilty of neglecting him and our relationship for a time, but I don’t think I was guilty of all of this other stuff. I have no idea what I should do. I get a lot of his perspective and I know I made mistakes. We are completely stuck and we have the same argument over and over. Please help me