Backstory: we have been together eight years. During the pandemic, I went back to school and he left his retail job partly because I’m immuno compromised. We managed to live off of savings and some of his money he had put away. I was able to draw my small retirement (not enough to live on) starting in 2023 after I graduated from school, but the plan was for both of us to get serious and get jobs to buy a house together and get married.
We are both massive backpackers and we spent the last five years backpacking and playing a lot, him more than me as I was in school and worked a summer job last summer. He started a good job last fall, but quit after four months, because it wasn’t quite what they let him to believe and I was having a minor surgery in the spring at the same time we were having to move. I started applying for jobs two days after surgery, got one (and unfortunately lost it after two weeks) and really doubled down and interviewed my a$$ off, stressing out. I finally landed a good job, but with a $10k pay cut.
Meanwhile, he looked for jobs about 2 hours a day and applied to about 6. After I mentioned a Trader Joe’s job I’d seen, right after I got hired, he applied and got an interview. We were down to our last few hundred dollars, literally. He got offered the job on the spot in the second interview. They asked when he could start and even though he’d just gotten back from a backpacking trip, he asked for two weeks. I was a bit upset because we needed money bad. Anyway, they ended up pushing him out three weeks so he did two back to back trips.
He started two weeks ago. The first week was a bit rough, 5am start and his back hurt. Start of second week, afternoon start but still back problem. We’d been dealing with some big conflicts regarding family, and the morning of a counseling appointment (that he didn’t want) he “threw it out”. It was a horrible appt. Afterwards I told him to go to the dr. He kept saying he was too old for the job. (He’s the most fit man I’ve ever known. Climbed all the volcanoes and more several times in recent years, trail runs and lifts, btw). He went to urgent care and the convinced him to file an L&I claim, and it was a back strain. They put him on muscle relaxers and naproxen sodium. That was one week ago tomorrow. He saw a dr two days ago who was going to release him to “3-6 hours of continuous work” and my partner told him no way could he go back yet. The doctor wrote the off work note until September 29.
Today he went on a 10 to 12 mile round-trip hike in Montana with 4000 feet of elevation gain. He says hiking is OK because it’s not bending over or lifting. If I say anything to him, he will get upset with me and tell me that I am just resentful that he gets to go while I have to work. And maybe that’s part of it, but I can’t believe that he thinks he can go hiking, but not work. We need the money really bad and he’s only getting 60% of his pay, plus if he can go hiking like that, I feel like he can go to work. I’m starting to think that he doesn’t want to work and he is not going to actually work and that he will only find part-time employment while I’m the one doing the daily grind (and will expect me to be happy doing it. ) plus if L & I finds out he went hiking, I think he could get fired.
TL;DR: I think my partner is playing up a mild back injury to avoid going to work. I think he wants to continue hiking like he has for the last five years while I am the breadwinner. He filed an LI claim with the back injury a week ago and went hiking today on a strenuous trip. I’m wondering if this is a dealbreaker.