Recently, I saw a "meme" or rather, some people would upload the dating profile of a woman who was probably in her mid30s or so (meaning, she wasn't just starting to date) and on her bio she had written something like "I know I'm ugly and if you don't want to be seen in public with me, that's okay, we can work around that. I will be the best gf, I promise", included some pics of herself, etc
And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not an attractive guy either and despite what women say, I know for a fact that short fat ugly men aren't well received by any means.
But I never thought I'd see that from a woman.
We're extremely self-absorbed as people and I think more of us should shut up when other people talk about their experiences rather than assume that they don't have it as "bad" as we do. I see that all the time, people belittling and dismissing other people's experiences and feelings just cos they don't understand them.
I did really see myself in her not because I'd ever put up with such a partner (women wouldn't really do that anyway — i.e. have a "relationship" with a man they were too ashamed to be seen in public with) but cos I can understand how desperate she was to please her future bf, how lonely she must 've been feeling and what terrible self-esteem she must have.
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Honestly, it is one of the reasons I don’t like dating apps. I had horrible guilt swiping past guys that were probably wonderful people, but I felt no attraction towards. And then if they had a dog it was a whole different level of guilt. Like I was rejecting the dog too.
she probably rejects anyone under 5’9
Great post. Yeah seeing stuff like that makes me sad. Tbh I can relate except I won’t subject myself to being the “secret gf” or having someone tolerate my existence. I’d rather just be alone at that point.
still sucks though.
It’s possible that the woman in the picture doesn’t even know her picture is being used as an “I’m ugly, but I’ll make a good girlfriend” meme, so that makes it even sadder.
But I agree. I frequently feel really sad when I’m on a dating app. I see guys who wouldn’t be considered conventionally attractive, and it makes me sad for them. Sometimes I just get sad in general because I think: “All these men just want love. There’s so many people here, and they all want a partner. I hope they all find someone”, knowing it’s entirely possible that they won’t.
I always make sure that I treat people kindly in “real life” tho, regardless of how they look. That’s really all you can do.
Anytime I don’t like someone because the combo “looks + effort on profile” don’t match my expectations, I always think that there is definitely someone out there that will think their looks and profile is exactly what they want.
I’ve been a fat woman that felt extremely insecure on dating apps and only allowed myself to like other fat people because I was terrified of the rejection and whatever else could happen. I’m no longer fat and my current OLD experience is different and, I’m not gonna lie, it makes me wonder…
Something deep in me thinks it’s ok to sometimes throw some likes at what I think it’s unattainable as long as most of my likes keep being realistic and true to what I’m looking for.
I’m not a gym girlie, so I will never like someone who’s really into exercise. I don’t like rock, sertanejo (something similar to country music), trap or rap, so I won’t like someone who’s style and preferences are aligned with that. Doing that would only set myself up for failure.
Being no longer fat made me realize that I am allowed to have my personal preferences for what I’m looking forward to in a partner, but I’m not allowed to fantasize and criticize people for not liking me when I’m clearly liking outside of my own lane.
edit: I’ve been single my whole life and the last time I kissed somebody was in 2019. I’m lonely, but I will never be desperate and that’s on being respectful to me.
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I really feel for those wonderful people too – it’s probably a case of they’d be better meeting someone IRL through hobbies etc where people can be attracted to them based on personality. I’ve for sure dated a lot of men I would have swiped hard left on because I knew them through work or whatever.
As an aside: the good news is that the markers of what makes people “conventionally attractive” are mostly things you can work on. Good skin, nice teeth, flattering/healthy hair, some sense of style, and being in shape will all make someone considerably more attractive than a person who has a naturally pretty/handsome face but none of the other things.
She didn’t value herself. That’s going to make dating impossible.
Go walk around the world. You will see plenty of unattractive people coupled up. Because looks are not the ONLY factor in dating.