Am I immature? I (f23) need advice. I found out my boyfriend (m24) was following livvy dunne and Addison Rae on instagram (keep in mind that I found out my ex was following 77 girl accounts like this so it struck a nerve). I voiced (over Snapchat unfortunately) that this was weird to me, which was quickly dismissed with laughing photos, saying my instagram was weird too (I don’t follow any male accounts, only people I know). After a few more Snapchat’s of him laughing at my concern, I stopped answering in fear I would say something over the top or something I would regret given my feelings toward this situation. The last thing I ever want to do is tell him to unfollow, I just wished it could be implied based off of the nature of those accounts (mostly livvy). Today, he asked me why I was ghosting him and what my deal and issue is. He predicted this was based off of me bringing up things last night which he thought was so ridiculous. I told him that he knows exactly what my issue is and he should fix it. Simple. He asked if I was on drugs and why I feel as though I can boss him into something like this. He told me I was being very immature and need to have a conversation about this first.
This was upsetting because I was trying to have a conversation that he immediately laughed off because he thought I was “kidding.” He called me and started screaming at me that I’m so immature and didn’t take our conversation seriously because it was so ridiculous. He told me that I shouldn’t care what he sees on instagram because my Halloween costume last year was so slutty that my morals are completely out of wack. He also said that I’m too immature to live with him and he’s very concerned (we’ve been talking about living together for over a month because we both just graduated college and my dad is in real estate and would offer us a place to live FOR FREE). He ended the call by saying I owe him the best apology ever if I care about this relationship and want to save it and he won’t talk to me until I do so.
I’m completely at a loss for words because he is truly the best person I have ever met and the most understanding. I think I should’ve been more straight forward perhaps with why him following accounts like that that are catered to men are so upsetting to me but I figured it was implied. I don’t ever want to tell him what to do I just wished he understood and corrected the issue immediately instead of bringing up my costume from last year and saying I have no leg to stand on (and that I’m far too immature for him).
Do I reach out and apologize or what do I even say. I’m not sorry that I brought up something that doesn’t sit right with me, after all he told me I can’t use my vibrator because it’s unfair to him and our sex life. Help
5 comments
He’s controlling, toxic, and insecure (the vibrator thing?!? Wtf). You need to leave him. It really concerns me that you think this man is the “best person you’ve ever met”. He’s clearly not a good guy.
Run, woman, run.
He’s the immature one and very insecure. Live in your dad’s place or whatever for free alone. Enjoy peace, and take your time with dating.
I think you could have approached this conversation in a more mature manner but I also think you’re boyfriend is ridiculous. Let me break this down so you can fully see his manipulative tactics.
He’s following provocative social media accounts that make you uncomfortable.
You state your discomfort ( not in the best way but you stated it)
He proceeds to laugh at you repeatedly.
Then, he says that you need to apologize to him because you expressing any feelings about him looking at sexually suggestive photos of other woman is immature and he can’t possibly tolerate such immaturity…
Finally, he uses your excitement to move in as a form of punishment if you refuse to apologize to HIM. He is withholding communication until you cave..
This is classic manipulation. He’s deflecting and making you feel like you’re wrong instead of just listening to your concerns and removing the accounts. Someone who loves and cares for you would understand your discomfort and remove the accounts. Especially since they are just random girls accounts. He would rather keep following their accounts and hurt you over something so trivial. This man is a walking red flag!
Not defending dude but if he were to post his side it would sound like you are controlling.
I suggest that you are acting like 20 something’s and you look into each other.
I think Jennifer Anniston is beautiful, my wife knows. She again knows that Jennifer isn’t showing up with a pizza, a box of gum and a sack full of rubbers to my hotel room.
You are young, immature is where you are at in life . Don’t blame yourself for insecurity asan immaturity.
Don’t get gaslight either
Wow. Do not live with this man. Don’t stay in this relationship. This guy is “not the best person.” I’m sure if you sit back and think, he’s done other things like this.