My boyfriend (M32) and I (F30) have been together for nearly three years. We live together in the house he bought before we met. Our original plan has always been to get married and then move to a nicer, bigger “forever” home in our late thirties/early forties. Within the last year and a half our neighborhood has taken a bad turn and we feel like we will need to move sooner.
We officially decided about six months ago that we could get engaged and legally married so we could purchase a house together and then have an actual wedding later on. We also identified several things that need to be done to the house in order to get it ready to sell and looked at engagement rings. Over the last few months though, he’s really been slow on everything. We’ve bought items to redo the house, but haven’t done a whole lot.
He’s also made comments about wishing we could move to a nearby city. We’ve had this conversation before, where I’ve pointed out why it wouldn’t work for our lives (price, jobs, distance from family, dogs, etc.) and he’s agreed with me but keeps making the comments. He also has started making comments about how he wants more friends and misses the times he had in that city when he lived there.
Last week he seemed to have a “come to Jesus” moment about everything and has been spending almost all of his free time working on stuff. I was excited at first to get moving on stuff but he’s been absolutely miserable about it. Just acting like he’s being forced to spend all of his free time doing stuff. I’ve tried to tell him we don’t HAVE to get everything done immediately but he just responds with snide remarks about how we “have to” in order to “fit the timeframe” of getting out, starting a family, etc.
I’ve tried to be empathetic about it because he seems very overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to do, the cost of it, and how there are some projects I can’t help with. At the same time I’m pretty annoyed about it too though because I don’t know what he expected? These are things we’ve known needed to be done for a long time. I also don’t want to go into an engagement (he’s strongly hinted it will happen next month on a planned trip), marriage, and a new house with someone who is acting like I’m dragging them kicking and screaming along into this life.
I’m trying to be empathetic and support him on this, but I don’t feel like he actually wants all of this stuff anymore even though he says he does. I tried talking to him about it but he immediately got upset and said it sounded like I wanted to break up with him. How can I talk to him about it without seeming like I’m blaming everything on him and being too confrontational?
TL;DR: My (F30) boyfriend (M32) is suddenly mad about all the work we have to do to sell his house and isn’t acting like he wants the life we’ve planned together anymore. How do I talk to him about it without sounding confrontational or blaming everything on him?