This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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had a guy from hinge add me on instagram, now he’s sending me selfies and a voice note… it’s weird to me. not inappropriate or super spammy but feels like a lot. we’ve never met irl and only talked on hinge for like 2 days first. I want to just ignore them but I feel bad? I’m new to all this… this is too much at first right?
Grrr. Was looking forward to speed dating tomorrow but the event has had to be moved due to low numbers of men.
On the upside this means I am now rebooked on an event later in September with a better age range.
I need to vent about something specifically.
Ever since I’ve started putting myself out there and being very clear that I am looking for long term monogamous romantic relationship, I’ve seen a surge of responses to my various ads and dating profiles from women who admit up front that 1. They’re not emotionally available and not looking for a partner and 2. Would only be interested in a FWB relationship at best with little to no chance of commitment down the road.
I don’t know if this is just a symptom of the dating scene today in general or if I’m putting something out there specifically that’s signaling to these people that I might be interested in that? Or is it something else? I’m actually genuinely confused. The dating scene in this day and age vexes the hell out of me and it’s becoming increasingly frustrating.
An ex checked in this weekend to see how I was doing. We originally broke up because he had only been divorced for a year the first time we tried dating and he wasn’t really healed from that relationship. I was hoping he checked in because he’s ready to date now, but turns out he’s not.
It would have been nice to give dating another try, but I guess I just gotta say womp womp and move along
Hey everyone, I’d love some outside perspective because I’ve been going back and forth on this.
Over a year ago, I went on a date with a woman I really liked. She was clear she wanted something long-term. At the time, I was separated from a long relationship and honestly wasn’t in the right headspace to match her pace. I hesitated, fumbled my response, and by the time I tried to explain, I think she had already blocked me.
From her side, I know it probably looked like I ghosted her, and that’s stuck with me. The truth is I never lost interest, I just didn’t know how to be upfront about my situation without complicating her life.
Fast forward to now: her profile recently popped up on social media. Part of me feels like I should let sleeping dogs lie, but another part of me feels like I owe her an explanation (and maybe a chance to reconnect). I’ve even drafted a light message referencing a funny callback from our date, but I’ve also written a longer message explaining everything.
My concerns:
* Is reaching out after being blocked over a year ago just insensitive?
* Would a short, light message be better than a long explanation?
* What are the actual chances of this leading anywhere, versus just being ignored?
I don’t want to seem like I’m popping up out of boredom or going down a list of old flames. I genuinely respected her and sometimes wonder if I missed something real.
Should I send a short light message, the longer explanation, or just leave it alone?
Which of these would work as main dating profile pic? I know none is great but I’m trying my best over here 🥲 top middle or bottom (redacted) thanks guys got enough feedback
I know that after a month of dating that I like this person and want to commit to them and make it official. At the same time, there’s this thought of “I don’t want to ask and it be too soon and I shoot myself in the foot”.
It’s such an interesting thing to me that we sort of balance out being too excited about someone by questioning if we’re doing too much. I mean, there certainly is a “too much”, so it makes sense sometimes. It’s like a protection. But it’s weird. “I really want to hang out with this person! But nahhh let me go take a walk instead to get my mind off it”. Probably because we all know how much it fucking sucks to think something is one way, and it turns out it’s not. I almost wish I had my 18 year old mindset still sometimes, with no past wounds and no flags to be overly cautious about. I wish intentions were always clear. I wish being “too excited” wasn’t a thing.
If you could design a ‘perfect’ speed dating event, what would that look like to you, logically?
I was travelling all week visiting my best friend, with a break to do the weekend in London with my boyfriend, then came back to London yesterday with my best friend – to see the same exhibition we saw with my boyfriend a few days prior, but also to go to Tate modern, which was brilliant.
Boyfriend and I were supposed to see each other today anyway, but when he heard my bags are heavy and annoying since I also have the dog with me, and I’m on public transport – he offered to meet me at the station and help carry things, and so he did. What a gem of a person. I love him.
Now we’re at his. He’s cooking me dinner. I got him to let me help, so he put me on cutting veg duties. I took out the shiitake mushrooms from the forest mushroom bonnet he got, and he seemed genuinely surprised I remembered, and commented on it out loud. Sir, you’ve taken them out of every one of these we’ve eaten together because you said you think they give you some digestive issues, of course I remember and the first thing I do is take out the shiitake!
He’s making me steak. Bless this man. I enjoy looking at him do things. It feels weird saying, but I’d much rather watch him cook, or do the washing up over anything that’s on Netflix. I’m not even perving on him or anything, just happily enjoying looking at him do life. It’s nice. He’s nice. I love this. I love us.
I think things are going great; we’ve had six fun dates. My only concern is we haven’t been intimate since the third date, besides some light kissing. I think it’s for good reasons (schedules, roommates, periods, etc) but there’s a little voice in my head saying that it’s a sign that she doesn’t like me. Please tell me I’m overreacting and paranoid.
I am tired of swiping. Guys that like me are either too far away or my height or even shorter than me. Guys that say that they want long term relationship has nothing in their profile to show who they are. Finally one guy that’s ok ended up ghosting me after a good first date .
I saw the bus conductor that I have a crush on today, he is wearing classic Balkan knee length jeans red sneakers and a baggy shirt revealing those forearms 🤤
Looking for advice on when it is appropriate to ask about finances? And how do I bring this up? Coming from a very independent 34F dating 40M for 2 months. I’m starting to feel how we’re splitting costs is unfair. I have voiced to him that I’m uncomfortable with someone giving me money or paying for me.. I think he’s trying to be considerate of that, so I’m not sure how to ask him a. What his financial situation is b. ask for money that he owes me
Meeting a lady off hinge tonight. I’m usually not nervous before first dates but she’s very pretty im addition to having mutual hobbies, and i’ve got a bit of a sun tan on my arms that’s peeling 😬
I have fallen hard for a man that loves me back equally but we can’t be together because we have separate lives on opposite sides of the country and I’m so upset but also ridiculously happy he’s out there and he wants this too. Worse odds have been overcome!
It’s really easy to fall into the mindset that “nobody wants to be with me” when in reality there are people who have and do occasionally express interest in me, just not people who I felt any interest in. A problem of there being little to no overlap of the circle of people who I’m attracted to and the circle of people who are attracted to me. I guess one instance someday might be enough.
So those who’ve been playing along at home might have noticed I have a very unusual relationship with my ex-husband in that we’re still good friends. We still text, we see each other regularly, we help each other out with errands. There are no sexual vibes (he’s realized he’s ace) and no romantic vibes anymore. But, at this point, he’s family. We’re at almost two years post separation (1.75 post decision to divorce) and I really feel “over it” enough to be friends. Don’t get me wrong. The trauma from the end of the marriage lingers. But I’m just so glad that we had that time together but are also no longer together and that we can just be friends now. It’s nice.
I went to his place yesterday (still technically my place ’cause he hasn’t fully bought me out yet) because it’s hot here and he has AC and I don’t. And talking to him about where he’s at was very “oh, shit, no wonder I’m anxious. I’m worried I’m attaching myself to a person like this again. DAMN GIRL, YOU HAVE A TYPE, DON’T YOU?!?!?” Someone who is well meaning and generous but who can’t figure out what the hell he wants for himself, which then becomes a problem for me, because your partner’s problems inevitably become your problems when you’re lives are intertwined.
I’m not sure exactly where I land there. I’m still processing. I don’t know if new guy is this type, because I don’t know him that well yet. He certainly has some similarities, but he’s also got a lot of important differences, and he’s been very upfront with me, even if he does seem to have some inner conflict that gives me pause. (But remember, Mrs. Florrick, that is Not Your Problem).
I think my focus is on staying emotionally separate. Not avoiding intimacy in any way. Just maintaining the limits of myself and my behavior and my life and the self/behavior/lives of anyone I date / family / close friends. I’ve come a long way, but I still have plenty of way to go.
I really want my peace and my independence to come first. And I’d really like a more serious relationship where I can maintain those things, with someone else who wants peace and independence (to a degree). I want to travel, and tend to my hobbies, and spend time with my friends, and live my life for me. With someone. But for me. If I can’t find that, I’d rather be single.
But that partnered for 15 years part of my brain is always trying to shift into girlfriend mode (even after a few dates) and I’m still working on training it out. I booked a bunch of stuff for me for the fall yesterday to fight it. Cause she has good intentions. She just needs them reigned in a bit.
What is considered ghosting??
My situationship-turned-full-FWB and I talk a few times a week. Usually it’s just logistics with some other stuff thrown in. I feel well-respected by him and he always responds same day and usually is the first to reach out. However our last hookup got a bit awkward/vulnerable on my end. I was the first to reach out after a few days with just a light “how’s your week going?” It’s been 48 hours and no response whatsoever. It’s possible the last hookup was just emotionally too much for him. Should I consider myself ghosted??? Honestly I’m too embarrassed to follow up at all as I’m already feeling overly vulnerable. Thoughts please!
I have a work function in exactly 38 days. It is a ball, and it is compulsory to attend. Partners are not compulsory, but most of my colleagues are going with their partner/spouse or a friend. I have none of the above to attend with me. And it is frustrating. I have a crush but I don’t know if he’d even be willing to come with (even if I get the courage to ask!) Besides, my close friend is not convinced I should ask him this year (she’s told me at least 3 times how against the idea of asking this crush she is)
This poor guy has done nothing wrong – it is a completely one-sided crush from my side, and I’m having a bit of a difficult time trying to “un-crush” him!
A bit of a vent in a safe space. I met a guy about two months ago organically. We had great chemistry, we have a lot of mutual friends and similar interests. I had a great time with him, and it was pretty obvious he was in to me too. I was excited!
And then his communication changed and I knew something was up. I never confronted it but I matched his energy which was no longer flirty and was low effort.
As expected he met someone and “fell hard”. He did let me know very nicely. But still, man, it still sucks. Feels like I am always the runner up. I am ready to be someone’s first choice.
I know rejection is part of life and a part of dating. But I am taking this one harder than normal, maybe because he sought me out initially? Anyway. I don’t plan on dating anytime soon bc if this is hitting me so hard, I know I am not emotionally ready.
Thinking about getting back on the apps again after a few year hiatus.
Equal parts cautious optimism and dread, OLD can really suck
Am I expecting too much, wanting/hoping for men on apps to not leave their profile bio section blank? Or to put something other than “just ask”/”I never know what to put here”/emoji & flag filler stuff? I really try to swipe and match based on personality, but with endless empty bios and prompt answers that just say “tacos”, I end up rarely swiping right because there’s a famine of personality. Maybe my expectations are too high, though. Are the rest of ya’ll out here taking chances and swiping right with nothing to go on but pics and a mutual love of tacos?
Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts so honestly here. It helps me feel less alone. I feel really hurt and rejected by now. If you can’t back your feeling with action then don’t make proclamations of feelings. Be careful with what your words because some people only say this with intent and genuineness. Saying things and not being able to back it just hurts. Sometimes I feel naive for trusting people and giving them second chances. But I know this my work to do. Hugs to everyone having a rough time here
I’ve been chatting with this tinder guy for a few days. Yesterday I spontaneously had a free evening and asked him if he wanted to buy me a drink. I think he interpreted that as me either being a fake profile or a hooker, becuase he immediately unmatched me 😂
It’s wild out there ladies
No one needs to lecture me on the hypocrisy of being upset that he’s recently actively using the dating (or otherwise) apps again when I’ve been chatting with people online for the past couple of months to try to move on from the friendzoning. The real issue is that, the longer we continue to regularly keep in touch, the longer I keep hoping for a chance to “start over.” It’s becoming too difficult to stay “just” his friend, knowing that neither of us can stop the other from finding a new connection with someone else.
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I have been on 12 dates with 5 different women in under 45 days. All of which have mainly ended in rejection. I think I need to take a break.
40F just went home after a day filled with doing fun things! We went out for lunch, we had a nice walk after and we took an unplanned scenic route back to my place because I found out she’s bad with directions. So that was fun (it really was!). Made her favorite dish for her for dinner and had a nice and deep conversation with her after about all kinds of things.
I think we got closer today, and at the very least, I feel like a solid friendship is taking shape. Which is the base I need for something more than friendship, so I’m content with how this is developing. I also revealed a very personal thing for me to her (for context: something non-sexual) which I don’t share lightly with just anyone and she was super chill about it and genuinely interested, which felt great.
I was also able to talk to her about her disappearing for 5 days and leaving me puzzled about that, even though she explained after over text why it happened. She took it super well. I was surprised honestly! She wasn’t defensive at all. Turns out texting is mentally overwhelming for her at times. She said if I don’t hear from her, I could just call her instead. She assumed I knew (I didn’t). The thing is, she assumed I didn’t like calling (which isn’t the case) so that’s why she doesn’t call me and just texts instead.
Just like I thought, a little meta-communication goes a long way. Now that it’s hashed out we worked out what days would work best for us to call instead of text. And when we landed on Wednesday, she just blurted out ‘Since we’re both free on Wednesdays, we might as well just meet up then!.” No need to ask me twice.
So far so good.
Inconclusive evening with my friend/crush Saturday. We went for a film and two drinks after. Neither of us made a move! I was kicking myself on the way home but also kind of mad with him for matching my extremely unreadable behaviour. I even read over our texts to check I haven’t been the one delusionally pursuing this thing but I’m pretty sure it’s going both ways. But he did warn me this week he’d be too busy with work to hang out.
I think I’m going to have to say something next time because this is so slow-burning I feel like if he doesn’t like me back I’m just being a creep. I’ve become very very passive and hesitant in my dating life in the last five years, I’m really struggling with it.