TLDR: Wife has an entirely curable medical condition. She will talk about how she will work on it, but when it comes to actually doing anything, she doesn't. We are in marriage counseling, but she gives vague answers to the counselor about how we are doing well despite our strife. I gave a one-year ultimatum to start working towards fixing it, and have watched 6 months of inaction.
My Wife, 28F, and I, 28M, have been together for almost 4 years and married for one year. Over that time, my wife has struggled with Vaginismus, and because of that, we only had non-penetrative sex. That was ok for a while; she seemed open to working around it, which was enough at the beginning of our relationship. I didn't place a lot of weight on it, and she would tell me that once she got a better job with health insurance, she would take the time to deal with it. It's hard to blame her in that situation. Fast forward to 2 years ago, we had moved in together and had better health insurance, but weren't dealing with it. She began to cut back on doing anything sexual (from 1-2 a week to 1-2 a month). On top of this, she wouldn't do anything to pursue or attempt to work on her vaginismus, even though she would tell me how much she wants to fix it so we can have kids someday. Eventually, we had a big argument, and she signed up for Pelvic floor therapy and did that for about 2 months. During that time, she was given exercises that she was supposed to do to help. She would rarely do them and say she was too busy and tired, despite it only taking 20 minutes and her having a decent amount of free time. Pretty soon, she stopped doing them altogether. About 6 months ago, I confronted her and told her that this is a non-negotiable thing for me; I need to see progress. I told her that she had 12 months to give me some progress, and I said to her that I feel this is fair since I'm not asking for a cure, and she agreed. A week ago, I had a heart-to-heart with her and told her how much our lack of any intimacy was killing my mental health and how I didn't know how important this was to me in a relationship until it was something I got none of. I told her it was ridiculous that I had given her an ultimatum of 12 months; it had been 6 months with her doing absolutely nothing, and I was tired of hearing her excuses. If she cares about our relationship, she must make time to do things for us, not just herself. It feels like she will say whatever she needs to to string me along, but won't work on us. To make it worse, she has started to talk about how she wants to buy a house with me and has been looking for one since our lease is over soon, and I had to tell her that I will not be signing onto that loan or paying the mortgage for a house unless she fixes this. Today, I have made peace with the fact that I have given her as much love and support as I can, but I can't anymore. I have made peace with the fact that our marriage is dying, and I gave it my all, but she was not willing to do the same. I feel like I have been falling out of love with her for a while now, and I find it hard to be around her. She constantly tells me how she loves me too much to let me go, but all she gives me are empty promises and non-commitments. We are currently in therapy, but I really don't see much coming from this.