I'm (28F) asexual that never had sex in their life, but likes reading/watching porn. It has to be very specific porn. In a few years, I've been finding out what I like about porn (to put an example, I need to listen to people moan or I won't feel anything, I think moaning is beautiful).
The thing is, today I've been trying to explore a little more to make me feel good by myself. I tried again to find my G spot, but I don't think it's working. I tried different positions but it doesn't give me more pleasure than scratching a mosquito bite hahaha. And it makes me sad that I have so little options, I don't know if I ever had an orgasm. When I rub my clitoris and I feel the high, my whole vulva hurts and my legs tremble too hard, so I stop. I kinda feel like a child asking this, I don't know how my body works.
The other thing is, most of the times I masturbate, I end up feeling lonely. I can't picture myself having sex with another person in real life, but I also yearn for a real connection, so either if I have a good or bad masturbation session, I feel lonely.
Has anyone ever felt like this? Do I feel like this because porn made me want something unreal? Because I feel ugly and I hate my body?