Ever since I was little looking at and properly “taking in” someone’s facial features has been a really taxing social task. I struggled with eye contact really bad as a kid and even now I find it incredibly uncomfortable.. but I’ve recently realized it’s not people’s eyes specifically that I find it hard to look at, it’s their face.
If I have to look at someone’s face to be polite during eye contact I kind of bring my eyes out of focus so it goes all blurry. I can’t look at photos or videos of people’s faces without feeling uncomfortable or.. intrusive? Dirty? I don’t know. It feels like I’m doing something wrong. I can sorta get by using my unfocusing eyes technique but I have started to wonder if anybody else experiences this.
As for the specifics.. when I look at someone’s face I get this really unpleasant sensation in my chest like I just got caught doing something I’m not supposed to. It’s almost like that tingly feeling you get when you’re doing something wrong and you get caught. Like hand caught in the cookie jar feeling.
The only other info I can think of is it’s worse with women than men, but I’m bisexual so I don’t think physical or otherwise attraction plays into it.
Is there a way of training this out of me???? It makes me look rude and bizarre when I look away while trying to have conversations, but it sucks trying to look at faces.