I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. Overall, our sex life is decent but there’s something that’s been bothering me for quite a while: too often, he completely forgets about me during sex.
There are so many ways he could give me pleasure (rubbing, fingering, oral, etc.), and he knows exactly what I like but most of the time, he just doesn’t bother. The only physical contact is usually him pulling me closer, but he rarely takes the time to actually focus on my needs. It feels very one-sided.
At the same time, he expects oral from me. He loves when I go down on him, and sometimes I do it, but honestly, I sometimes say no because I don’t always feel like it or it frustrates me to give without getting anything back (for me, sex is about intimacy, connection, and mutual pleasure — where both partners take the time to give as much as they receive).
When I do give him oral, he’ll then have sex with me but usually finishes long before I get anywhere close to pleasure or even an orgasm. And afterwards, he’ll sometimes even ask if I came and when I say no, he just shrugs it off. There’s no effort, no follow-up, nothing.
I have already brought this up with him. I told him directly that I wasn’t enjoying sex when my pleasure wasn’t being considered. He made a small effort once or twice, but quickly slipped back into old habits. His excuse is that he “forgets” and gets lost in his own head. But honestly… how many times do I need to repeat myself? I feel exhausted constantly reminding him of what I need, especially when he already knows.
I’m at the point where I’m questioning how much he actually cares about my pleasure at all. He’s my boyfriend — I shouldn’t have to beg for the bare minimum.
I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts, advice, or perspectives on this.