We just hit our one-year anniversary earlier this month (been together for over 5 years), and it’s made me reflect on the first year of our marriage. While we love each other deeply, there have been so many issues that have come up and we’ve fought at least once every month.

It feels like I carry the emotional/mental load of our entire relationship. During every argument he gets defensive and somehow makes it my fault. It’s like, no matter what the fight is about, I always end up apologizing just to get things back to normal. Sometimes, I do make mistakes and I’m more than happy to apologize, but when I haven’t done anything wrong, he’ll still find a way to bring up something else I did wrong or twist things around until I’m apologizing for that too. After a disagreement, I’m still processing things and still feeling hurt and scared, but he bounces back to his normal self within minutes (as long as I apologize). I end up feeling like I’m walking on eggshells and being very cautious when talking about my feelings/thoughts because I never want to upset him or make him angry.

It’s just not healthy. Honestly, it feels like my life is so much harder with him in it and I hate feeling this way. But at the same time, I love him and I know I'm not perfect either.

We both want to find healthier ways to communicate and work through our issues. The problem is that he thinks we’re fine and doesn’t see the need for couples counseling. He says it’s for relationships that are "really struggling" and doesn’t want to do it unless things are really bad. But it feels like we’ve been stuck in this unhealthy cycle for a while, and I’m not sure how to break out of it.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation where you felt emotionally drained but want to work through it? How did you approach this kind of issue, and was therapy a helpful step?


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