My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We actually met after I separated from my ex-husband who had come out gay to me after a decade together.
I have some trauma around sex and intimacy from that marriage. My ex-husband would not have sex with me and had absolutely no desire for me.
When I met my boyfriend and came forward with this information and how I was dealing with it, he was extremely considerate and caring. I remember one of the first things he told me was that, he loves giving women oral and it’s one of his favorite things to do in the bedroom.
I was really excited about this because I really enjoy oral but I was really anxious about receiving it after being with someone who despised vaginas for so long. It took some time for me to relax and actually want it.
Well now I want it, and I’ve gotten to the point in my healing where I can look at my partner and ask for it. I don’t usually ask for it in the moment, I usually give him a heads-up like, “I would like oral tonight if you want to, as well?” And he is always gets excited and says “I would love to.”
But by the time nighttime rolls around, and we are getting our groove on, I give him head (almost every day, because I really enjoy doing it and it turns me on) he completely bypasses my foreplay and goes straight to penetration.
I can feel myself starting to crawl back into my hole of fear around oral sex because of this. I’ve mentioned it to him and he always has an excuse like, “well I fingered you” or “I forgot, we will do it next time.” He’s also told me it’s hard to give me oral because it hurts his neck. I tried to not let this bother me and offered ways we could get around that and he just shoots them down.
I’m starting to wonder if he really doesn’t like giving me oral and I should stop asking..
Has anyone experienced this before? What can I do or say differently? Could it be me? Why would he tell me it’s his favorite thing to do, but then never do it?
TL;DR – my boyfriend claims he loves giving oral to women but will not give me oral.