I was showering and she came into the bathroom and asked if I wanted some company. I asked her if she also needed to shower. She immediately got upset and asked why it even mattered. In my mind, I was asking because I was almost finished and didn't know if I needed to keep the water on or not. It's not uncommon for her to do this sort of thing. She will typically sit on the toilet lid and talk to me. However, in her mind, she was implying coming into the shower with me. I did not pick up on this implication. She stormed out of the bathroom, and 3 hours later, she's still angry and hurt about it. So often, I feel like I married an immature child by the way she communicates and reacts to innocent misunderstandings.
Edit: Is it normal to feel suicidal when these sorts of things come up? These petty but painful fights.
7 comments
I just explain my point of view and go on about my day
All that other emotional legwork is just not productive
I am not responsible for how my wife reacts and how her emotions manifest
Vice versa
It’s normal to be upset after fights with your spouse. It isn’t normal to be suicidal because of it. It’s not *wrong* to feel that way, though. It just means something isn’t okay. Whether it’s the overall marriage or your mental health, something needs to change.
Yes, I think she was overreacting. Not really sure if I can provide any help other than the obligatory suggestion of therapy. Both individual and marital (if you even want to stay married).
First, if you are feeling suicidal, please call 988 if you are in the US. Counselors can talk to you and point you to assistance.
Second, your wife is expecting you to do some mind reading. Early in our marriage, my wife and I were both guilty of expecting the other to know what they were thinking. Eventually, we realized that just because we are married to one another doesn’t make us clairvoyant. In other words, sometimes what seems obvious is not obvious, so it’s best to ask when in doubt without either party getting upset. It’s worked for us for over 30 years.
Finally, it is almost never a good idea to tell your spouse they are overreacting. Far better to lend a compassionate, sympathetic ear – just like you want when you are upset.
Maybe, for her, showering with you is a precursor to intimacy. When you seemed uninterested in the ‘together’ shower, it hurt her feelings. Her feelings are valid even if you think her reaction was over the top.
And therapy may be needed if you automatically think of unaliving yourself because of this. She was making a move, you were a bit obtuse, feelings got hurt. Talk to her. Dude, she’s your wife, not a stranger.
She sounds childish and manipulative.
Over reacting spouse and ones not happy with their lot in life are a common theme in relationships. You are expected just to put up with it and wait for next outburst . We’ve lost the ability to have fun be positive ( am excluding people with general medical conditions ) find happiness . How many times have we wished to say these dreaded words can you just relax and stop overthinking ?
She may have emotional dysregulation. Have you looked into that?