The question is pretty simple and short. I (M) am married to an abusive spouse that has led to resentment and reactive abuse from my side. I lost my trust because it happened so often already, her promising to change (really typical form of abuse physical and mental and behaviour, almost textbook like, cycle of abuse).
Now she will be seeing a therapist next week. How frequently should she be seeing a therapist and how long would it take to see the first changes? What are the chances of really changing? And most important: Should I stay with my wife while she is in therapy? Should we separate, should we spend time together? What is the correct way to approach this? And can and abusive marriage ever become a healthy one?
Should I even try to rebuild trust now? Should I wait? What is the point of "no return" in a marriage for you? Can you "come back" from everything?
I start getting the grass is greener on the other side syndrom, since nothing really works out as it should. I feel drained, talking to her is feeling like talking to a wall. Also talking about therapy somehow triggers her, she feels under pressure from me (well I do pressure her, because I cannot endure this for much longer) and she does not want to talk about it at all and gets angry pretty fast. Is this typical for abusers? What can I do to assist or should I just leave?